It's Been a Year

Today I came across a journal entry dated January 21, 2012:

This is the beginning of the rest of my life. I'm packing up for Washington D.C. and my field rep position which starts on Tuesday! My interview was Thursday, I was offered the job yesterday and no must go to D.C. quickly. From what I know I'll be training there for a few weeks then off to parts unknown through November. I was told that I could be living in up to 4 or 5 sates between now and then! So excited and so scared. Saying goodbye is so hard because my heart is very much tied here both politically and emotionally. Only God will be able to get me through the next 10 months but I am so excited about what is to come! This is the adventure of my life.

Little did I know how intense the year would be. Starting tomorrow I am going to be posting some of the highlights of 2012. In summary, I've lived in 4 states, had 9 addresses, traveled to 28 states and worked 2 jobs which allowed me to meet new people, learn new skills and have so many unique opportunities.

Psalm 20

¹ May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble!
   May the name of the God of Jacob protect you!
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
   and give you support from Zion!
³ May he remember all your offerings
   and regard with favor your burnt sacrifices!
                         Selah
⁴ May he grant you your heart's desire
   and fulfill all your plans!
⁵ May we shout for joy over your salvation,
   and in the name of our God set up our banners!
   May the LORD fulfill all your petitions!
⁶ Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
   he will answer him from his holy heaven
   with the saving might of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
   but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They collapse and fall,
   but we rise and stand upright.
⁹ O LORD, save the king!
   May he answer us when we call.

A Legacy

Friday was the funeral for my 22 year old cousin, Zac. God chose to take him suddenly from this earth to his eternal home in heaven. No one had a chance to say good-bye, he was given no chance to make anything right, God just took him. Yet for one so young, Zac left behind a legacy that screamed of glorifying and loving God. He walked with God and he lived his life with a seriousness that is astounding. God was the center of his life. He lived and died for His glory. Everything everyone said about Zac showed his deep love for God and the people around him. The lives he touched, the people he influenced, the difference he made, all of it is amazing.

For the past week as we dealt with the shock, grief, funeral, all of it, my thoughts keeps running to the fact that Zac was only just over a year older than me. I can't tell you how much I have wept, not at the thought of his death, but at the thought of how imminent my death could be. It's so easy to think, "Eh, I'm only 21, nothing is going to happen, I have my entire life in front of me." But that is so not true. Only God knows the length of my days. It's easy to take life for granted...to assume that I'm going to live until I'm 90, it's easy to blow each day focused on the things of this world and not taking much time to focus on God and the real meaning of life -- glorifying Him. I am ashamed at how much time I spend doing what I want rather than doing what God wants me to do.

I can't get over how fast a life can be snuffed out. It a matter of mere seconds someone can go from alive and perfectly well right into eternity. (I know this is nothing new, just a new reality for me.) Life really is just a vapor, here and then gone. Sometimes that vapor lasts slightly longer than others, but still, it goes by quickly and just as quickly it disappears. What is more important, doing what I want or doing something that matters for God? Which matters more, fame and fortune or the lives of others? God calls each Christian to make an influence on the lost around us, to bring them to Him.

If I were to die tomorrow what would people say at my funeral? What would be my legacy? Would they talk about how much I loved God and wanted to serve Him? Or would they talk about what I had wanted to do? Would they say my life glorified God or would they say it glorified me?

Christmas In Heaven

This year I have many loved ones who are for the first time experiencing Christmas in Heaven. 

I miss them so much, but am thankful that they are in God's very presence...they are truly blessed.

Healing Rain

Healing rain is coming down 

It's coming nearer to this old town 

Rich and poor, weak and strong 

It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down 

It's coming closer to the lost and found 

Tears of joy, and tears of shame 

Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire 

So let it fall and take us higher 

Healing rain, I'm not afraid 

To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return 

To the mercy seat where time began 

And in your eyes, I see the pain 

Come soak this dry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man 

Can take a leper and let him stand 

So lift your hands, they can be held 

By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire 

So let it fall and take us higher 

Healing rain, I'm not afraid 

To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down 

Healing rain is falling down 

I'm not afraid 

I'm not afraid...

Father, Lead Me

Father, lead me day by day,

Ever in Thine own sweet way;

Teach me to be pure and true;

Show me what I ought to do.

When in danger, make me brave,

Make me know that Thou canst save;

Keep me safely by Thy dear side;

Let me in Thy love abide.

When I'm tempted to do wrong,

Make me steadfast, wise and strong;

And when all alone I stand,

Shield me with Thy mighty hand.

When my heart is full of glee,

Help me to remember Thee,

Happy most of all to know,

That my Father loves me so.

~~*John Hopps*~~

More Unanswered Questions and Waiting

Right now my heart is in turmoil. I have so many unanswered questions, so many choices, so many decisions, so many options, so many emotions. Sometimes I think I know what I want but most of the time I have no idea. The hardest place right now is knowing what I want but not being able to go after it. The pain from that is staggering. At the moment I have no choice in this matter, I have to wait for God to move, and I've been waiting for years, and sometimes I wonder how much longer I must wait. Yet, even though it's hard, I must trust and wait on the Lord. Driving home from Ohio last night I listened to this song over and over for almost two hours. I must keep moving, even though I am waiting.