More Unanswered Questions and Waiting

Right now my heart is in turmoil. I have so many unanswered questions, so many choices, so many decisions, so many options, so many emotions. Sometimes I think I know what I want but most of the time I have no idea. The hardest place right now is knowing what I want but not being able to go after it. The pain from that is staggering. At the moment I have no choice in this matter, I have to wait for God to move, and I've been waiting for years, and sometimes I wonder how much longer I must wait. Yet, even though it's hard, I must trust and wait on the Lord. Driving home from Ohio last night I listened to this song over and over for almost two hours. I must keep moving, even though I am waiting.

The Sky is NOT the Limit

Recently I was texting a friend who is just as politically interested as I am, he lives in California. We were joking back and forth about when we are the governors of our respective states and the changes we'd make. And of course we went on to dream about being the President, Vice President, etc. It was good, innocent fun. All of a sudden this thought hit me, "Seriously, I'm so excited about the future and so glad God placed me in this country...the sky is literally the limit. And even then, there is always space exploration. It's awesome."

This country was based on a principle very similar to that. Our own Declaration of Independence declares, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuite of Happiness." Those words are some of the most famous in the United States, yet many don't truly believe them. Some have been conned into thinking that their station in life, their job, their current circumstances are all that they are ever going to have. They think that they can't do better. And in some countries that is true.

Not in America.

Here we are given the opportunity to become whatever we dream, no matter what our background is, how wealthy our family was, or how young or old we are. I may be young, but I have the ability to become a Congresswoman or Senator, Governor, Secretary of Defense, Ambassador, and yes, eventually even the President of the United States. If politics wasn't my forte, I could become a brain surgeon, geologist, pilot, small business owner...whatever I wanted. America is truly the land of opportunity. There is no such thing as being too ambitious here.

Life here isn't perfect. It has it's ups and downs. There are people who will try to discourage you from achieving and reaching for your dreams. But don't give up. As long as we are a free country, America will continue to be a beacon to the world of freedom and opportunity. Remember, the sky is literally the limit, and if you want to go further, try space exploration.

Tough Decision

Have you ever been given a choice between two good things? Either way you go won't be bad, but trying to figure out which direction is the best is the hardest thing you've ever done. Perhaps you have people pulling and pushing you in both directions and the chaos in your own brain is almost more than you can handle. Weighing the options, wanting to go both ways, struggling with not being able to please everybody, praying for God's will but getting no clear direction, living in uncertainty, hoping for the best, tired of fighting.

For the past month what I just described has been my life. The toughest decision I've ever made was in front of me and I had no idea what to do. During that month the confusion was overwhelming and the constant battle in my heart was staggering. Either choice would have been good, but both decisions would have made some happy and others unhappy. So often I wanted to turn to someone else to give me the answer, I didn't want to have to do this on my own. But I had to and I did.

By now you're probably wondering what this decision was. Let me explain, towards the end of September I was really struggling. My life had seemed to come to a stop and I wasn't sure why or where I was supposed to go or do next. I felt useless. Little did I know that God was using this in my life to teach me some lessons.
After a long talk with my parents late one night I realized that I definitely needed to go back to school. Out of the blue my mom mentioned going to Northland International University in WI. I was rather taken aback but the sudden suggestion but I decided to look into it. Plans were made and I went to visit for a few days. I loved it. The students were focused on God, the faculty were friendly, the campus was beautiful, the classes were "mind stretching," and the church I visited was awesome. Everything inside of me screamed to go back in January.

Then I came back home to reality. I considered everything that I would be leaving behind, especially the Mourdock campaign. My heart yearned to stay and continue the fight for this race and really, for this country. The conflict that was raging inside of me between the two "goods" was gut wrenching. I spent many hours praying, begging God for an answer. Over the course of the month I went back and forth between Wisconsin and Indiana. One minute I'd be going, the next I'd be staying. It was the most frustrating month of my life.

I had determined that if I was to go to Wisconsin two things had to transpire. One, I would be able to finish my four year degree in two years. Also, I had to hear back from the registrar at NIU by Friday at 7 pm. Neither happened. I know that was God's sign to me to stay. Was it difficult? Yes. But am I okay with the outcome? Yes. This is where I am needed, this is where God wants me.

All of this being said, I'm not giving up on my education. I am planning on going to school online starting in January. Right now I think I am going to get an undergraduate certificate in public administration (it should only take me a semester to finish) and then next Fall I will either start a communications degree or continue in the public administration program. I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

One of my biggest struggles this month was making sure that the decision I made wasn't just because that is what I wanted, I wanted it to be what GOD wanted. One passage in the Bible that really stood out to me was Matthew 10, the following are a few excerpts from it:

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. But beware of men, for they will deliver you up to councils and scourge you in their synagogues. You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak.

And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.

And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.

He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."

Moments that Take Your Breath Away

Life's not the breaths you take,

The breathing in and out

That gets you through the day.

You just might miss the point

Trying to win the race.

Life's not the breaths you take

But the moments that take your breath away.

{George Strait}

When most people think of this song they think sweet romantic thoughts of their significant other. They get this far away dreamy look and it's not hard to figure out what they're thinking. 

Not me.

When I think of this song I think of politics. Weird, I know. But really, in the past six months I've experienced many of those breath-taking moments while working on the Mourdock for U.S. Senate campaign.

For example, the time a dear, sweet old lady thanked me for being politically active because, "Most young people your age don't care about our country."

Or when I first met Richard Mourdock.

When I had the opportunity to do six parades on July 4th weekend.

At a meet and greet in Ft. Wayne Richard called me his "campaign hero" to the entire crowd. Definitely a breath taking moment.

On my 21st birthday, throwing out the honorary first pitch at a TinCaps game proudly wearing a Mourdock t-shirt and later that evening he called me to wish me a happy birthday.

Sitting through many of Mourdock's speeches, listening to him move the crowds with his passion for what he believes is right. Watching him tear up at certain parts as he talks about things that are near and dear to his heart.

Having the opportunity to tell others about a candidate I not only think is good, but a candidate I firmly believe in and actually trust. The best part is swaying them to vote for Mourdock in May.

Driving Richard's truck in parades.

Being the first "Super Volunteer."

The best one -- standing in a circle with several others on the campaign, holding hands and praying.

The list could go on and on.

He Knows the Way I Take

"But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold."

~~*Job 23:10*~~

When I read this I was overwhelmed by God. He not only knows the next step that I am going to take, He knows my whole path. He knows each hill and each valley; each twist and each turn. Each pothole and each bump. He knows each potential hazard that can trip me up and each flower along the wayside to brighten my journey. He knows it all because His loving hand created it uniquely for me.

Sit back for a second and reminisce on how crazy your life has been in the past year, five years, decade, or even your whole life. Think about all the times you didn't think you could carry on one more minute. The times that life seemed so bleak and dismal that you thought for sure the clouds would never pass and the sun was no longer in existence. Amazingly, you did make it through, the sun did shine again, and your path once again became flat and much easier. So often I find myself in the depths of despair, wondering if my path will ever again gain the same altitude that it once had. I feel lost in despair and cry out, "GOD WHERE ARE YOU?!" How foolish of me. God is there. He created this specific detour in my path so that I would learn to trust His guidance once again. He did it so that I would, "come forth as gold."

God loves each one of us, and He will never give us more than we can handle. Yes, He pushes us, and yes, He stretches us, but He never destroys us. If we break because of pressure it is our own doing, not His. When our loving Father created the trials of our lives, He created them so we could learn to trust His leading, trust His path, trust His trials, and yes, trust His blessings. He longs for each of us to take Him at His Word and realize that He knows our path better than we do because He created it for us.

Keep a Watch

“Set a watch, O Jehovah, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. Incline not my heart to any evil thing, to practice deeds of wickedness with men that work iniquity; and let me not eat of their dainties.”

~Psalms 141:3-4 (ASV)

My current job is working full-time at a dry cleaner as the customer service attendant. I enjoy working with the customers and meeting all sorts of people. For the most part I also enjoy working with my co-workers. Only, there are a few problems, the biggest is that they all have a very “French” vocabulary, if you know what I mean. They are constantly using cuss words even in their regular conversations, not to mention when they get angry which is quite often. It is very difficult in that environment to keep that language from slipping into my thoughts and worse, my own speaking. I find myself getting angry and words pop into my mind that I know shouldn’t be there, thankfully they’ve only slipped out once, and even then I was horrified.

I was trying and trying to come up with a verse or something that would help me to get rid of the thoughts swirling in my mind. The anger, the frustration, the words, the disgracing of my dear Savior’s name, I was tired of it. I was praying but that didn’t seem to be helping much, I needed a reminder. Then, out of the blue Psalm 141:3 popped into my head. Thankful for a bit of relief I quickly found the passage and read the whole Psalm, discovering that the entire chapter was exactly what I needed for my situation. Verse four seemed to fit so well, and I have decided to put that to memory as well. Keep a watch dear Father, keep a watch is now my constant prayer.

I know I am not the first, nor am I the only person to work with people like that, sadly, it’s the way out culture is today. Most don’t think twice about using some words and they are very destructive to a Christian’s thought life. This is just one area in which the world tries to penetrate our minds and souls. There are so many other things out there that can ruin our walk with Jesus Christ. Keeping a watch over our thoughts and words is a mere beginning of keeping our lives pure and clean before God.

21st Birthdayeve

Every year on the night before my birthday I reminisce over the past year, the highs and lows, the laughter the tears, the pain and the joy, the good and the bad. Each year I want to say is in it's own way is worse than any other previous year, however, I now realize that each year has it's own unique set of trials and triumphs. With each opportunity I'm given I am also given a choice of how I am going to react to it. Am I going to get mad and angry or am I going to allow it to stretch and grow me?

The first three months of my twenty-first year were full of excitement, I started my junior year of college at Shawnee Baptist, I went to Tennessee with my best friend, I was promoted to a management position at LEE's and overall life was good. Did I mention that we had a lice scare in my dorm? That was pretty exciting. I was getting good grades, having the time of my life, and pretty much didn't really seem to be taking much of anything seriously.

Christmas break of 2012 changed my life drastically. I had planned to stay at school for most of the break so I could work. I took a couple of days off before and the day after Christmas because Mom was supposed to have a hysterectomy. I should have known things were going to be bad from about 5 miles down the road on my way home...yep, I was pulled over with my first official speeding ticket (no comments mom, dad or Jason :P). I arrived at the hospital about an hour before mom went in to the OR. We talked for a few minutes and prayed and then we waited. And waited. And waited. When the surgeon finally came out he told us that things had been a little messier than originally planned but Mom should be fine. To make a very long story short, Mom ended up not being fine. She was supposed to be in the hospital only a couple of days, but ended up being in for 10 due to some major complications. I quit my job and school and moved back home to help out. That took up the last half of December, all of January and into February.

February my dad had surgery on his knee. He also ended up with complications which landed us in the ER at the same time a lifelong friend was having a fatal heart attack just a few doors down from where we were! It was the beginning of a lesson that I'm not sure I've totally learned yet: You don't know when it will be your time to go...so make sure you are making your life count for something. Don't just sit idly by, get up and make a difference.

March brought about more loss and more wake up calls to live life to the fullest. Time after time it seemed that problems were thrown in my path and I had the choice of allowing them to pull me down or learning from them and growing. Learning that no matter what, God is in control and who am I to question His sovereignty?

April was perhaps where I was tested the most. On the 19th we were informed that my dear cousin Greg was missing with a friend in the Grand Tetons of Wyoming. Many of you probably remember reading everything that I posted about the search for them. It was horrific and terrifying and most of all, gut wrentchingly sad. Quite easily the longest week I can remember. The search seemed to be going on and on and on with no hints whatsoever of the whereabouts of Greg and Walker. It was a week of tears and prayers. Begging God to bring them back to us. But alas! it was not God's plan for on Easter Sunday the bodies of the two men were found buried beneath an avalanche. It was a freak of nature, something that should never have happened, but it did. Only God knows why.

May is when things started really looking up. I started getting involved in the Richard Mourdock for US Senate campaign and enjoy it very much. From Lincoln Day Dinners to parades, fair booths to Tea Party meetings I've learned a lot and have enjoyed myself very much.

If there was one lesson that I've learned more than any other this year I would say that it is that God is God and I am not. He is the One in control and He leads us each step of the way. When I rest in Him I fear no evil, but when I take things into my own hands I mess it up. Trusting Jesus, that is all. The other big lesson is to not let life pass me by. Don't be afraid to dream, dare to explore, make each second count.

Don't Take it for Granted

I am sure that by now most of you have heard of the tragic deaths resulting from the collapse of the stage for the Sugarland concert at the Indiana State Fair. Perhaps you have seen the video, or read the articles, or seen the pictures of the aftermath of that sudden, awful twist of nature. For those in it's path there was no advance warning, no time to do anything but watch their lives drastically change, and for some it was the end.

As I watched and re-watched, and re-watched the footage of the collapse there was but one thought that ran through my head, "That could have been anyone, including me." Those people didn't have time to go back and make their wrongs right, or to say "good-bye" to their loved ones. There was no opportunity for them to get things settled with God, that was their time, their last breath, their final call.

Often I find that it is easy for me to take life for granted. I just blow through it without a care or thought, not worrying about the consequences that it will have on my life or on others. I leave things undone or unkind words and actions left unforgiven. It is very easy to forget that eternity is only a heartbeat away. In the matter of a second I could be on the other side of life and never have the chance to forgive, ask forgiveness, finish what I started, or simply say, "I love you." We never know when our number will be called, make sure that your account is settled in Heaven. God desires for all to become His children, He wants us to have a home with Him when it is our time, but the only way for that to happen is for each one of us to personally admit our sins, realize we are in need of Savior, and to accept God's Son, Jesus into our hearts and ask Him to wash away our sins. Only then will any of us truly be prepared for eternity.

Major Changes...Again

It seems my life never, ever likes to sit still for long. Or perhaps it's me that can't sit still. I don't know. It seems I'm never content with the current level of my life, I want something more, something better all the time. I'm not content to sit idle when there is so much more to learn and do. A good thing? I hope so. This leads me to the current changes. I think they are what God wants for me and they are definitely for the better. They will bring with them a lot of hard work and effort, they will stretch me, making me into someone better than I am. This is what I want out of my whole life, to be constantly stretched into a better person, but more importantly, I want to be stretched to be a better Christian so I can serve my God in a more meaningful fashion.

The first change is my job! Yep, I'm leaving the bank. This is a shock to a lot of people, but it is something I've been considering for a very long time; I was just waiting for the right opportunity to come my way. This presented itself in a job offer from a dry cleaner. I know, you're probably thinking, "Changing from a bank job to a dry cleaner is a better thing?!" It is. I was starting to go nuts sitting in an office all day, I need to be with people. I love to meet new people, get to know the "regulars" and make the new customers feel welcome. It's what makes me "tick." God gave each of us different personalities that require different stimuli, mine include people. (Have I gotten my point across yet?)

On to the next change: school. I know I had posted earlier that I was going to be attending Baptist College of America, but I honestly didn't have a peace about it. I couldn't focus on the classes and I just felt like I was drifting off course. I didn't really know what to do so I prayed about it. I really like this politics thing and I've wanted to be in it for a very long time. So, I'm quitting the whole "Christian college" thing and switching to Thomas Edison State College and a degree in History. So yeah...it'll be a little while until I finish, but I'm ok with that. I don't have anything I have to do so I'll just enjoy my time, enjoy life a little bit (although I have a feeling all I'll be doing is work and school), and see what else God has in store for me.

It seems my life is in constant upheaval, if it's not one thing, it is definitely another. I'm so glad to know that I have a Heavenly Father who cares for me and has everything perfectly figured out. In His time all things will come together, all I need do is take each step in faith, trusting Him alone.

Struggles

This year has been one of many ups and downs. Frankly, from a human perspective it has been one of the worst years of my life. Things simply have not gone well at all. The beginning of the year outwardly was the hardest with so many things happening to my family that it appears terrible. And it was in one sense, however, when it comes to Spirituality, it was the closest, most sweet time I have ever had with my Lord. I was at a point in life that I had to fully rely on God to get me through each day. I drew close to Him as I spent much time in His Word and on my knees in prayer. Every new day brought more pain and anguish, and each day I learned more and more how much I needed my Savior by my side. It was a time of sweet fellowship with God, and great learning of God. I learned to have sweet peace even in the midst of great adversity. I felt the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7) and I felt a true sense of joy that went through my entire being.

Recently, on the outside life has calmed down. It has been quite some time since an "emergency" has struck my life. It would seem like right now I would be using this time to discover more about the greatness of God. I hate to admit it, but this time right now I find it more difficult to focus on God than I have in a very long time. Now, instead of outward, visible struggles, I have deep, inward struggles. Although not evident, these seem to be worse than the outward hard times. Rather than depending on God, and trusting Him to see me through, I catch myself trying to work everything out on my own. Doing this causes me to lose focus on the important things of life, and instead concentrate on the parts of life that I have no control over. Rather than spending time reveling in the goodness of God, I find myself fighting Him over minute details that really don't matter in the end. I keep forgetting that God has plans for my life, and those plans are meant for good, not evil, plans of hope for the future. (Jeremiah 29:11).

I would greatly appreciate prayers as I try to refocus my life by truly depending on God and trusting Him for all of my needs.

Life.....

Trust

There is one thing that I struggle with more than anything else in life; that is trusting God for everything. I keep finding myself worrying about the typical things people my age struggle with: things like finishing college, paying my bills (I think everyone struggles with that), what am I going to do after college, finding the one whom I will love for the rest of my life, am I really in the middle of God's will, and so many more. It is so easy to get side tracked from God and onto my circumstances and worries.

A few days ago a friend message me on facebook asking that I pray God would show her what college she is to attend. She is a senior in high school and can't figure out where she is to go (she is a very smart, talented girl and has been accepted to several highly scholastic colleges). She messaged me because according to her I'm a strong Christian. If only she really knew that on the outside I may seem to have everything together, but on the inside I'm just as confused as she is, and I'm not nearly as strong of a Christian as she thinks I am. My answer to her was that I would pray and trust that God would lead her, because God always leads His own. I also gave her some advice that someone gave me not very long ago: "pray that God will close all of the doors that you aren't supposed to go through." I told her to read Jeremiah 29:11 and Proverbs 3:5-6.

As I was responding to this girl I realized how much I needed to heed my own advice. I so often get worried about what the next step is that I should take rather than simply trusting God. This is something that I have written on quite a bit, but it is so true, and a huge struggle for me. Trusting God isn't mearly a decision that is made once, rather it is something I have to decide every day, hour, and minute. I have to chose whether I am going to try to figure things out or if I am going to leave it all in God's hands. I often fall short and try to work my problems out, this only leaves me feeling very confused, angry, and troubled.

God wants each of us to throw everything on Him, allowing Him to be our Captain. When we do this our lives aren't necessarily easy, but the emotional pressure is not nearly as big as it would be otherwise. A very common, and wonderful verse is I Peter 5:7, I found a not so common translation that I think says it the best, "Throw the whole of your anxiety on Him [Jesus], because He Himself cares for you." ~Weymouth New Testament. Throwing everything on Christ means holding nothing back to yourself. It means letting go of all of my plans and desires, and allowing the One Who loves me more than anyone ever will guide me. It means surrender, humility and submission. It means losing control.

Decision Making

When it comes to making big and exstremely important decisions, it seems that most people my age are making the most important decisions of their lives. We're figuring out where to go to college, what to major in, what to do after college, which grad school to go to, who to marry, where to live, and on the list could go. We live life in a pretty confused and often topsy-turvy way. One day we're going here doing this thing, and the next well, we've done a complete 180-degree turn and we're doing something completely different. Our lives are on a constant roller coaster ride of emotions and uncertainty. We are in a process of discovering who we are and what our purpose is.

I happen to be at a crossroads of decision. One way would be a lot easier and honestly makes more sense. The other choice is much more difficult and humanly speaking doesn't make nearly as much sense. I'm torn between the two because neither is a bad decision. Unfortunately this is not a decision that I can take several months to make, in fact I must make it in the next two to three weeks max. My plans for the next few weeks are to do a lot of praying, reading my Bible, and getting counsel from people I trust about what to do. I know that God will lead me the way that is best.

"Receive [wisdom's] instruction, and not silver,

And knowldege rather than choice gold.

For wisdom is better than rubies,

And all the things that one may desire cannot be compared with her.

~Proverbs 8:10-11~

If You Don't Work, You Don't Eat

I am a firm believer in the rights guaranteed by the Constitution as well as a strong supporter of capitalism. However, the other day I was chatting with a friend in the UK, we had quite the debate about free governments like the US versus socialistic governments like the UK. This discussion caused him to write a blog post about it and challenged me to write a rebuttal of sorts. (You can view his post here.)

While I agree with his point of everyone sharing for the common good of man, I also strongly disagree. Let me explain, as a Christian I agree, we should be doing our best to look out for and take care of others. Jesus Himself said that it is more blessed to give than to receive (Luke 6:38). However, I feel like I should be the one to choose how, where, and the amount that I give to others and whether that be a gift of money, time or both. I do not think that the government should be doing this for me, for many reasons, but from strictly a Christians view point, it is because my government does not always support causes and charities that I agree with. They support gay rights, abortion clinics, embryonic stem cell research and on the list could go. If I can help it, I don't want my money going to those things.

I think in its purest form communism is the best economic structure (and yes, I do know that Sam said he didn't believe in communism, I'm just using this for my point), but sadly it is terribly tainted by sin. Socialism is a weaker form of communism, and capitalism is its exact opposite. Capitalism gives people the ability to move from the bottom to the top if they are willing to work. Capitalism encourages growth and work. It gives rewards for effort and punishment for laziness. It applies a very biblical principle, that of, "if you don't work you don't eat." (II Thessalonians 3:10) Pretty much, if you want something you've got to work for it, the government isn't going to give you anything. I'm not against homeless shelters, food pantries, soup kitchens, etc., but only if they are privatized and run by individuals, churches, or companies, NOT the government.

The best American example of failure that I can think of in the regard is that of the welfare system. My tax dollars go to support people, most of whom are perfectly capable, yet too lazy to get a job. So while I'm out working two jobs trying to pay my way through school, others are sitting at home watching TV while being paid by me. Yes, I understand, some people really do need the welfare, but not most, and those who do need it could get help from other organizations than the government if they needed to. Most people simply need to get out and try to work.

While I'm all for sharing, I'm also all against the spreading of wealth and most socialist ideals. Most people are wealthy for a reason -- they actually worked hard and spend years earning it. The people who are receiving government help are usually too lazy to try, and because they've been given everything all their lives they expect to get it for the rest of their life. "A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich." ~Proverbs 10:4

Thirty Day Challenge: Day 30: A Motto or Philosophy

At long last I have come to the end of this challenge. It has been interesting, fun, and at times a little bit difficult! I definitely enjoyed it!

I have many mottoes that encourage me in different areas of life.

• "For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die we are the Lords." ~Romans 14:7-8
• "I am not afraid of the storm for I am learning how to sail my ship." ~Louisa Mae Alcott
• Live. Laugh. Love.
• Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.
• To live is the rarest thing of all, most people exist, that is all.
• Run your hardest when it is hardest to run.
• Prayer: When life gets too hard to stand, kneel.
• "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~Philippians 4:13

My philosophy in life is simple:

Do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. Don't ask God why, just trust Him.

The Next Day

The past few days I have seriously been thinking about how quickly life changes. With the sudden death of Mrs. Williams life has taken on a whole new meaning. I keep thinking of Proverbs 27:1

"Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth."

Friday afternoon she was babysitting some of her grandkids. I am sure that she was planning what she would fix for dinner, what time she was going to put the baby to bed, what she was going to be doing the next morning, and so on but none of that happened. Instead she ended up in the emergency room, flying to a bigger hospital, having surgery, and ultimately going Home to be with her Lord.

For some unknown reason to us, God chose to take His servant to Heaven with Him Saturday morning. He chose to take her suddenly, without giving any of us a chance to knowingly say our good-byes. I honestly don't remember the last time I spoke to her, but I do know it was in the past two weeks. I don't remember what our conversation was about, or how long it was. I do know that I did not have a clue that I would never speak to her again.

I have learned that taking life for granted is really a sin. We don't know what will happen to us, in a minute, an hour, a day or a year. Make sure that you leave no hard feelings, no sadness, and no wrongs that have not been made right. Most of all, make sure that you have trusted Christ as your personal Savior, and that you have a short account with God.

None of us knows when it is our time to die. For some, it may be a prolonged illness, where we know that our days are short. Although some major suffering may be included, at least those have a chance to say good-bye to their loved ones. However, others may go in an instant with no extra chances. Only God knows, He it is Who knows our moment of death.

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make profit'; whereas ye do not know what will happen tomorrow.

For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.

Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.'"

~James 4:13-15~

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

Yesterday I went to a concert at a church here in town. There were many pieces played and sung by artists that go to that church, but one song that was sung had a special meaning to me:

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

I don't know about tomorrow,

I just live from day to day,

And I don't borrow from its sunshine

'Cause the skies might turn to grey.

And I don't worry about the future,

'Cause I know what Jesus said,

And today I'm gonna walk right beside Him

'Cause He's the one Who knows what is ahead.

There are things about tomorrow

I don't seem to understand,

But I know Who holds tomorrow

And I know Who holds my hand.

And each step is getting brighter

As the golden stairs I climb,

And every burden is getting lighter,

And all the clouds are silver lined.

And over there the sun is always shining

And no tears will dim the eye

At the ending of the rainbow

Where the mountains, they touch the sky.

There are many things about tomorrow

I don't seem to understand,

But I know Who holds tomorrow

And I know Who holds my hand.

~LeAnn Rimes

I used to have to have my life planned out exactly how it was going to be. I could not stand the thought of not know what tomorrow and the day after, and the month after and my entire life held. Several times I have had those perfectly laid plans completely demolished by God. Lately, I have simply left it up to Him. Yes, I have a general idea of some things in life, but many I don't have a clue about, and that is perfectly fine with me. I'm tired of trying to plan things on my own instead of just letting go and allowing God to take control and do as He pleases. May the Lord be glorified in my life both now and forevermore.

Shall We Not Accept?

Some of you know that I am taking a semester off from school while my mom recovers from her surgery (here is the post I wrote on that decision). I made the offer to drop out willingly and am very happy to be able to help out. However, yesterday was a bit rough for me because it was the first day of classes and I was not there. It felt really weird and I was somewhat sad. Then this morning I was reading in Job when a phrase jumped out at me:

"Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?"

(Job 2:10b)

It is so easy to take the blessings and good that God bring, accept it, be happy about it, and move on. But when He, in His sovereign way, chooses to bring adversity I react in sorrow. Yes, it is understandable to not always be the happiest when life throws a curve ball at me, but instead of fighting against it and asking God why He allowed something in my life, it is much better to accept His all knowing way, learn from the experience, and grow more in His image.

My heart's desire is to be more like Christ, and only by obediently following Him without question and complaint can I grow in Him. It is not an easy task, and often I fail, but He is always there to forgive and encourage me. He has promised to never leave or forsake me, and that is all I need.

Some Good News

Today has turned out a bit of good news! These were some things I was expecting, but the plans are now in full swing, which is incredibly good. This news actually ease my boredom.

The first bit was an email I got from the Dean of Academics at Shawnee. I have been working to get things lined up so that I would be able to take some online classes and therefore hopefully keep up with my studies. Shawnee does not offer classes online, but earlier in the week during a phone conversation with him, Bro. Nicholson told me of a few colleges with online programs that would possibly let me enroll to take a few classes. I did the research and discovered a college that would let me take a few classes without actually pursuing a degree from them. I had to email Bro. N again to figure out which classes I needed and today I heard back from him officially! I will be taking between 8 and 11 credits this semester! I am so pumped! Not so much boredom!

Another bit of good news, I am officially back on the schedule at Wendy's! I start back on Monday! Woo hoo! So far I don't have many hours, but chances are they will start calling me in and will probably give me more hours as time goes on. Still, it's work, and money, two very good things!

Oh, yet another exciting occurrence, I have been asked to teach a literacy class in the county jail. I am supposed to give a definite answer tomorrow. I am sure that more will follow on this subject later on.

PROGRESS

This afternoon my parents and I went to mom's doctor for her one week check up. The doctor was very happy with how the wound has been healing -- in fact it is about two-thirds of the way healed! Praise the Lord! I have been the primary "wound packer" (for lack of a better term) and Dr. Simon jokingly told me that once all of this ordeal is over I should take my state boards (the test that nurses take after completing nursing school). I laughed, but uh, yeah, the answer is NO! God called me to work with teens, NOT to be a nurse! :) The point remains, Mom is doing much better!

The other exciting news of the day is that dad took his level two testing for his job. And once again he passed the first time! (He has now passed both levels the first time and was told before the first one that a very low percentage pass the first time on either one of them.) The Lord has blessed him for all the hard work and studying he has been doing.

God truly protects those He loves. Dad's test was in Ft. Wayne, which is about a 45 minute drive from home. He had to at the testing center at 7:30 this morning. About 7:50 I was reading my Bible when my cell phone beeped telling me I had a text message. I grabbed my phone and saw it was an alert from a radio station, it said that a part of US 30 (the road dad would have taken) was closed due to an accident! I jumped out of bed, and ran to ask Mom if dad was ok. It turns out that he had driven through there only a few minutes before the accident -- in fact he was less than 20 miles down the road when the radio station began to cover the accident. Wow. God is good!

In other news of the day, since mom's doctor was in Goshen, of course we had to stop at the Dunkin Donuts there! Mmm....I love that place! :) And even more exciting, DAD GOT A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT! Wow...shocking, huh? :)