Tough Decision

Have you ever been given a choice between two good things? Either way you go won't be bad, but trying to figure out which direction is the best is the hardest thing you've ever done. Perhaps you have people pulling and pushing you in both directions and the chaos in your own brain is almost more than you can handle. Weighing the options, wanting to go both ways, struggling with not being able to please everybody, praying for God's will but getting no clear direction, living in uncertainty, hoping for the best, tired of fighting.

For the past month what I just described has been my life. The toughest decision I've ever made was in front of me and I had no idea what to do. During that month the confusion was overwhelming and the constant battle in my heart was staggering. Either choice would have been good, but both decisions would have made some happy and others unhappy. So often I wanted to turn to someone else to give me the answer, I didn't want to have to do this on my own. But I had to and I did.

By now you're probably wondering what this decision was. Let me explain, towards the end of September I was really struggling. My life had seemed to come to a stop and I wasn't sure why or where I was supposed to go or do next. I felt useless. Little did I know that God was using this in my life to teach me some lessons.
After a long talk with my parents late one night I realized that I definitely needed to go back to school. Out of the blue my mom mentioned going to Northland International University in WI. I was rather taken aback but the sudden suggestion but I decided to look into it. Plans were made and I went to visit for a few days. I loved it. The students were focused on God, the faculty were friendly, the campus was beautiful, the classes were "mind stretching," and the church I visited was awesome. Everything inside of me screamed to go back in January.

Then I came back home to reality. I considered everything that I would be leaving behind, especially the Mourdock campaign. My heart yearned to stay and continue the fight for this race and really, for this country. The conflict that was raging inside of me between the two "goods" was gut wrenching. I spent many hours praying, begging God for an answer. Over the course of the month I went back and forth between Wisconsin and Indiana. One minute I'd be going, the next I'd be staying. It was the most frustrating month of my life.

I had determined that if I was to go to Wisconsin two things had to transpire. One, I would be able to finish my four year degree in two years. Also, I had to hear back from the registrar at NIU by Friday at 7 pm. Neither happened. I know that was God's sign to me to stay. Was it difficult? Yes. But am I okay with the outcome? Yes. This is where I am needed, this is where God wants me.

All of this being said, I'm not giving up on my education. I am planning on going to school online starting in January. Right now I think I am going to get an undergraduate certificate in public administration (it should only take me a semester to finish) and then next Fall I will either start a communications degree or continue in the public administration program. I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

One of my biggest struggles this month was making sure that the decision I made wasn't just because that is what I wanted, I wanted it to be what GOD wanted. One passage in the Bible that really stood out to me was Matthew 10, the following are a few excerpts from it:

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. But beware of men, for they will deliver you up to councils and scourge you in their synagogues. You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak.

And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.

And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.

He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."

God Answers Prayers

For the past several years I have been very burdened for my friend Ray who is in the Army. He was unsaved and quite content that way. He's had some very close calls during his three deployments (he is still in his third). In June he was home on leave and we spent quite a bit of time together. During that time I was able to talk to him a little bit about God and my dad also talked to him some this year and a year ago when he was home.

Last night I chatted with him for the first time in well over a month. He was recently moved to another base and was without access to a computer for a long while. During our chat he told me that he had become very close friends with the assistant chaplain and they had a lot of really good talks. We then proceeded to have a discussion about having a religion versus having a personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. In the course of this conversation he told me that he had admitted that he was a sinner in need of a Savior and had accepted Christ as his personal Savior! I was floored. A rush of about a thousand emotions ran through me, at first a little bit of apprehension and disbelief, then the realization that this was actually happening, he had really become a believer. Years of praying and begging God to save him had payed off and Ray is now a fellow Christian.

As I considered all of this, my thoughts kept going to a phrase I use quite often, "Oh me of little faith!" How I had despaired of this day ever coming. I thought that God had probably just written him off, but how wrong I was! I am so thankful for a prayer hearing and answering God. A God who loves the whole world and is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. A God who loves each one of us individually, and cares about us and our burdens. Praise the Lord!

Struggles

This year has been one of many ups and downs. Frankly, from a human perspective it has been one of the worst years of my life. Things simply have not gone well at all. The beginning of the year outwardly was the hardest with so many things happening to my family that it appears terrible. And it was in one sense, however, when it comes to Spirituality, it was the closest, most sweet time I have ever had with my Lord. I was at a point in life that I had to fully rely on God to get me through each day. I drew close to Him as I spent much time in His Word and on my knees in prayer. Every new day brought more pain and anguish, and each day I learned more and more how much I needed my Savior by my side. It was a time of sweet fellowship with God, and great learning of God. I learned to have sweet peace even in the midst of great adversity. I felt the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7) and I felt a true sense of joy that went through my entire being.

Recently, on the outside life has calmed down. It has been quite some time since an "emergency" has struck my life. It would seem like right now I would be using this time to discover more about the greatness of God. I hate to admit it, but this time right now I find it more difficult to focus on God than I have in a very long time. Now, instead of outward, visible struggles, I have deep, inward struggles. Although not evident, these seem to be worse than the outward hard times. Rather than depending on God, and trusting Him to see me through, I catch myself trying to work everything out on my own. Doing this causes me to lose focus on the important things of life, and instead concentrate on the parts of life that I have no control over. Rather than spending time reveling in the goodness of God, I find myself fighting Him over minute details that really don't matter in the end. I keep forgetting that God has plans for my life, and those plans are meant for good, not evil, plans of hope for the future. (Jeremiah 29:11).

I would greatly appreciate prayers as I try to refocus my life by truly depending on God and trusting Him for all of my needs.

The Next Day

The past few days I have seriously been thinking about how quickly life changes. With the sudden death of Mrs. Williams life has taken on a whole new meaning. I keep thinking of Proverbs 27:1

"Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth."

Friday afternoon she was babysitting some of her grandkids. I am sure that she was planning what she would fix for dinner, what time she was going to put the baby to bed, what she was going to be doing the next morning, and so on but none of that happened. Instead she ended up in the emergency room, flying to a bigger hospital, having surgery, and ultimately going Home to be with her Lord.

For some unknown reason to us, God chose to take His servant to Heaven with Him Saturday morning. He chose to take her suddenly, without giving any of us a chance to knowingly say our good-byes. I honestly don't remember the last time I spoke to her, but I do know it was in the past two weeks. I don't remember what our conversation was about, or how long it was. I do know that I did not have a clue that I would never speak to her again.

I have learned that taking life for granted is really a sin. We don't know what will happen to us, in a minute, an hour, a day or a year. Make sure that you leave no hard feelings, no sadness, and no wrongs that have not been made right. Most of all, make sure that you have trusted Christ as your personal Savior, and that you have a short account with God.

None of us knows when it is our time to die. For some, it may be a prolonged illness, where we know that our days are short. Although some major suffering may be included, at least those have a chance to say good-bye to their loved ones. However, others may go in an instant with no extra chances. Only God knows, He it is Who knows our moment of death.

"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make profit'; whereas ye do not know what will happen tomorrow.

For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.

Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.'"

~James 4:13-15~

Full Blast

I came across an interesting passage today in Acts 20. In this passage the apostle Paul is talking to the leaders in the church at Ephesus. He makes a very interesting statement:

"And see, now I go bound in the spirit to Jerusalem, not knowing the things that will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit testifies in every city, saying that chains and tribulations await me." (Acts 20:22-23)

Most would say that Paul is insane for going ahead with this plan of travelling to Jerusalem. After all, who in their right mind would willingly go somewhere that they are guaranteed problems? Surely Paul is going to back out and stay where it is safe! But wait, Paul is not finished, he continues in verse 24:

"But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."

When I first read that I was amazed at Paul's endurance, faithfulness, boldness, and steadfastness. He was not willing to allow persecution to stop him from taking the message of God's amazing grace to the lost. He did not consider safety of his physical body to be more important than the salvation of lost souls who were on their way to hell. He knew his life was short and he wanted to finish strong for God, not wavering or wimping out. Unreservedly he gave his all to the One who had given His all on Calvary.

Sadly, I am afraid that out of a simple fear of people we fail to remember that we have been called to a ministry of telling others about Christ's gracious and free gift. Often the thought of going to someone we do not know (and especially those we do know) terrifies us. We are afraid of what they will think, or how they will react. We want to be on their good side, and we definitely do NOT want them to think we are some sort of religious freak.

But Paul, KNEW he was going to be persecuted much more than we will ever be in America, and still he went, counting his life as nothing in comparison to the spiritual darkness of the lives of those to whom he was to minister. How much better it would be if we would truly count the cost of serving Christ, taking out the stops, and going full blast for Him.

Shall We Not Accept?

Some of you know that I am taking a semester off from school while my mom recovers from her surgery (here is the post I wrote on that decision). I made the offer to drop out willingly and am very happy to be able to help out. However, yesterday was a bit rough for me because it was the first day of classes and I was not there. It felt really weird and I was somewhat sad. Then this morning I was reading in Job when a phrase jumped out at me:

"Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?"

(Job 2:10b)

It is so easy to take the blessings and good that God bring, accept it, be happy about it, and move on. But when He, in His sovereign way, chooses to bring adversity I react in sorrow. Yes, it is understandable to not always be the happiest when life throws a curve ball at me, but instead of fighting against it and asking God why He allowed something in my life, it is much better to accept His all knowing way, learn from the experience, and grow more in His image.

My heart's desire is to be more like Christ, and only by obediently following Him without question and complaint can I grow in Him. It is not an easy task, and often I fail, but He is always there to forgive and encourage me. He has promised to never leave or forsake me, and that is all I need.

New Years Resolution: Grow

I recently saw the title of this post as a friend's status on facebook. The girl that wrote this is a crazy teenager who happens to be short, and wrote this as a joke and it did make me laugh. Then I began to think about it, I mean, really think about it, and I realized growing is an excellent New Years resolution. Reflecting upon my life I find that in every area I have a need to grow, whether it be in my walk with God, in my relationships with others, mentally, emotionally, and in many other aspects. Growing in these areas is not something anyone should ever stop doing, because when we cease to grow and attain knew knowledge, we cease to have a purpose in life. Eric Butterworth once said, "Don't go through life, grow through life."

I think that the key to growing is to take the unexpected and accept it; the unpleasant, make it pleasant; sadness turn to joy; the exhausting make refreshing; the tears, turn them into laughter; the confusing change into understanding; and the unknown make it known. None of these things are easy, and it sometimes you fail, but failing is another key to growing. When you fail (and you will, we all do) you have to pick yourself up from the dust, brush yourself off, and go on with life. Accept the fact that you are not perfect and realize that the only way you can do better is with God's help alone. Growing includes stretching, bending, hurting -- all things that are not always enjoyable, but when it is over you can look back and see how the pain created something that is more beautiful than you had ever dreamed.

So this year I plan to be open to the growth that God has planned for me. I do not want to buck and fight against Him. I desire to let Him have His way, no matter how hard it is. What is your resolution?

"But GROW in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen."

~II Peter 3:18~

Not My Will but Thine

If you tell God that you want HIS will, not your own, you had better be prepared for that decision to be put to a test. This can be incredibly difficult to do because surrendering your will to God involves an amazing amount of faith and trust in Him. Sometimes God will test you to see if you really meant what you said, and then He will give you the desires of your heart. Other times, God truly performs His will, even if it hurts you very badly. There is an example of each of these types of surrender in the Bible. The one is of Abraham and Isaac, the other is Jephthah and his daughter.

Genesis 22 finds Abraham going about his regular routine until God comes to him and tells Abraham to take his only son, Isaac, and offer him as a burnt offering. If that were me, I probably would have said, "Wait a minute God, You want me to do WHAT?! I can't do that....I mean...he's my only son. You promised that Isaac would be the one to make a great nation from me, how can that happen if he dies?" But did Abraham do that? No. Instead Genesis 22:3 says, "And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him." No complaining. No questioning. Just a simple yet strong faith that believed God's will was best. How did it turn out? Well, Abraham went through obediently. He took Isaac and a few servants, went to the mountain that God had told him of, took his son, some wood and fire, and headed up the mountain. Abraham went so far as to build the altar, place Isaac upon it, and raised his hand to kill his son when an angel suddenly stopped him. "And [the angel of the Lord] said, 'Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.'" God then provided a substitute ram to be offered in the place of Isaac.

Jephthah had a slightly different situation. He went to war against the Ammonites who were attempting to take over part of Israel. He vowed to God that if He brought Israel through and made them victorious that when he went home, the first thing that came out of his home to greet him would be offered as a burnt offering to the Lord (Judges 11:30-31). God grants his request, and the enemy was defeated. Jephthah returns home victorious, celebrating his great victory. As he comes down the road to his house, his daughter apparently hears him coming and runs out to meet him. She was the first thing that came to meet him. Was Jephthah expecting this? Not at all. He could have easily said, "God...you know when I made that vow, I wasn't thinking of her! I can't sacrifice my daughter, she's too precious to me." Yes, the Bible does say that he was sad, and naturally so, "And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes and said, 'Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the Lord, and I cannot go back.'" (Judges 11:35) A long series of events lead to two months later when in Judges 11:39 states, "And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow." I can't even begin to imagine the thoughts going through Jephthah's mind as he did what he promised God. Doing God's will, not his own even though it was the hardest thing in the world.

The ultimate example of surrender is shown in Christ when He was sent to the cross. His agony in the garden of Gethsemane the night before His crucifixion shows how human and divine He was in His choice to follow His Father's will. "Then saith he unto [his disciples], 'My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here , and watch with me.' And he went a little further and fell on his face, and prayed saying, 'O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me, nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.'" Jesus went to the cross and died, not because He necessarily wanted to go through the pain and suffering, but because He knew that is what His Father willed and so He uncomplainingly went, bearing our sin and iniquity on His body.

Is following God's will always easy? the answer is a resounding NO. But is it right, oh yes! God will give a peace that goes beyond comprehension to those that choose to do His will. Following Him is the best decision that anyone can make.

Choices...

Have you ever really struggled with God over something? Maybe it's a big decision, or a life changing event, possibly it's something you can't control, or perhaps you can control and what you want isn't what God wants. Often this type of situation requires a lot of prayer and tears.

I have recently had a situation like this arise in my life. I've been planning for the past two years to finish my four year degree in 3 1/2 years. I've worked very hard and had insane class schedules in order to get all the credits and classes I needed. Just recently I had a long chat with the Academic Dean. We did a lot of number crunching and discovered that I'm three credits short of that goal and I have no possible way of cramming those credits into an already packed schedule. Talk about a let down. It felt like I'd done all that work for nothing.

Having come to this point I realized that I now had two choices and either way I was still going to be here for the extra semester. My first option was to throw a little fit and complain, groan and moan about the whole thing. The second choice was to suck it up, realize that God had a purpose in the whole thing and be happy about it. I'm not going to lie, it was a really hard thing for me (still is, actually) and I have shed many tears over it. However, as is often the case in my life, I've found that although I may not see it now, I know that God has a purpose and a plan for all of this. I have to trust that He knows what is best for my life, and His plans are way above my highest imagination and wildest dreams. I have had to lay what *I* wanted at His feet and trust Him for each little and big step I take.

"From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him. Then said Jesus, unto the twelve, 'Will ye also go away?' Then Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.'" (John 6:66-69)

The greatest desire of my heart is to honor and glorify my Heavenly Father in everything that I do. When the end of my life comes I sincerely want to be able to look back on all that I have done and say, "That was all because of God!"

Each Simple Step

I've been doing a lot of thinking and praying lately. When I say a lot, I mean more than I've ever done in my entire life. As of late life for me has gone quite contrary to my plans, goals, ambitions, and agendas. However, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. God works in mysterious ways, and one of them is taking our plans and desires, and changing those into His plans and desires. He has bigger things for me than what I could even imagine.

One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11. Throughout the years I've come back to it time and time again when it seems like my life is changing drastically.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

I often plan things and then get disgusted when those plans don't go the way that I want them to. However, when I stop to think about it, I know that God has a better plan. Maybe I don't see it right away, and maybe I never see it. All that matters is that I follow God. Taking life step by simple step. When I do that it's amazing how much God can and will bless.

His Way is Perfect

When my way seems dark and drear

and the future I don’t know,
My heart feels so empty as the tears unending flow.
When my heart breaks with sorrow and a tempest fills my soul,
This one thing I know for sure: My God is in Control.

His way is perfect, HIs way is perfect.
Though I don’t understand His wise and loving plan,
His way is perfect. His way is perfect.
Take my life and make a vessel purified.
God makes no mistakes; His way is best.

When the toils of life are come and my heart is worn with care,
I faint ‘neath the burden of a cross I cannot bear.
When the joy has departed from my sorrow stricken soul,
This one thing I know for sure: My God is in control.

His way is perfect, His way is perfect.
Though I don’t understand HIs wise and loving plan,
His way is perfect. His way is perfect.
Take my life and make a vessel purified.
God makes no mistakes; His way is best.

~Betsy Kistler

When Life Hurts

Have you ever come to a point where you seriously doubt if God even exists? Have you ever wondered, "If God DOES exist, does He care about me? Because, after all, if He truly cares He never would have done THIS to me, or let me go through this trial!!"
I must admit that I've responded in many wrong ways to hurts and pains of life. I've gotten mad and angry at God and others. I've wanted to do some pretty bad things to myself, to those who care about me, and I've wanted to completely ditch God. None of those are very good things to do at all. I've gone into the very depths of despair. I thought that God had abandoned me and I thought that He may not even exist. I really had to do some major soul searching to see if God was really there, and if I truly believed in Him. Those were some of the darkest moments of my life. I firmly believe that had it not been for the prayers of my parents and friends then I would have gone "off the deep end."

I'm finally starting to get over that hardship and then BAM another battle comes my way. Now I KNOW that God is there and I know that He's my God and He truly cares for me. I know that whatever the reason may be, He is using it in my life to refine me, to make me stronger, and to make me a better Christian. Is it easy? NO! Rather, it's quite the opposite...it's VERY difficult, and I have no idea why this is happening to me. It's a case of broken trust and friendship and someone who I thought was one person ended up being someone totally different. However, I know that had I not gone through the previous trials and tests that God sent to me, then I would probably not have survived this most recent one. I've learned that the best way to go is to turn to God. When I was home I could run to my parents and cry on their shoulders, but now I'm in college, and I can't go running home when life knocks me. I have to run to God. "My soul melteth for heaviness; strengthen thou me according unto thy word." -Psalm 119:28 I guess the biggest lesson that I've learned in the past month is that God is really out there and even though trouble comes I rely on Him.

Leanness of Soul

The other day in my devotions I was reading Psalm 106. The Psalm is going over the history of Israel starting from the plagues in Egypt. It describes the plagues and the parting of the Red Sea and how the Israelites praised God. Verse 13 however, drastically changes the whole attitude of the Psalm, "Yet how quickly they forgot what he had done! They wouldn't wait for his counsel!" How easy it is for any of us, myself included, when life is going good to forget the things that God has done for us and to not listen to Him. The Psalm goes on to tell how they began to worship other gods and go after the things that they wanted. Verse 15 says, "And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul." That last phrase really got me, so often I choose to go my own way and and I refuse to listen to God's warnings and every time that I do that He does give me a leanness of soul. The sad thing is, I'm so often caught up in whatever I'm doing that, like the Israelites, I don't even realize what I'm doing until God has to do something drastic to get my attention. In the Jews case, even the deaths of Dathan and Abiram didn't wake them up. It got to a point where God was ready to destroy all of His chosen people, but had it not been for the prayers of Moses the Jewish nation as we know it today would not be around. "Therefore he said that he would destroy them, had not Moses his chosen stood before him in the breach, to turn away his wrath lest he should destroy them." (verse 23).
The Hebrews continually got worse. Finally God sent them into captivity. This passage hints at the fact that God not only sent them into captivity once, but He sent them many times because of their lack of ability to stay close to God. "Many times did he deliver them; but they provoked him with their counsel, and were brought low for their iniquity." (verse 43). The best part comes in verses 44 and 45, "Nevertheless he regarded their affliction, when he heard their cry: and he remembered for them his covenant, and repented according to the multitude of his mercies." Ah, how good of God to rescue us from the situations that we put ourselves into. As long as we are saved it doesn't matter where we go, or to what extent of sin we get into, if we cry to God, and repent and ask Him to rescue us, He will. "He made them also to be pitied of all those that carried them captives." (verse 46).
It would be so much easier and better for all of us were we not to ever get out of God's will for our lives. However, I honestly don't know anyone who has never done anything wrong, or at some point been out of God's will. I know that I've been in that position, and I know that I've messed up big time in many areas and had a lot of that "leanness of soul." I also know that God has had to use some pretty drastic situations in my life to get my attention. Yet each and every time that I've cried to Him in my captivity, He has been merciful to me and rescued me from my distresses. What an awesome God. "Blessed be the Lord God of Israel from everlasting to everlasting: and let all the people say, Amen. Praise ye the Lord." (verse 48).

Striving

Today in chapel Pastor Delany preached about things in the ministry that are needed in your personal life. He gave several points, but the one that stuck out to me the most was the last one, "Be Careful What You Strive For." Pastor D then brought out a REALLY good point, as a college student -whether in Bible college, or in any other college, or really in any kind of work, for whom are we doing what we're doing? Are we striving to do our best to please the Father, or are we doing our work for ourselves? Also, if we want to bring true honor and glory to God are we doing a good job with our work, or are we just doing what we can to get by? If that's the case then we really aren't bringing God any glory, rather we're bringing shame to Him.
I know for me it's really easy to fall into "just getting by," and not really doing my very best. Or even worse, when I do well, and get praised for it that I like to get that praise and keep it for myself instead of giving God the glory for giving me the ability to do well. I need to constantly remind myself of I Corinthians 10:31 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

Contentment

So often I find myself being discontent with life. I can look through my life and see time after time that something went wrong and I really want to question God over it. I say, "Hey God, ummmm…You know I'm down here and what just happened, well, it didn't exactly seem right - in fact, it seemed really wrong, and hurt really badly. Why God? But Paul said in Philippians 4:11, "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." OUCH! I don't like to be content with my life. I like to complain to God about how awful my life is at the moment. The thing is, God already knows what my life is like, after all He is the one who planned it out, not me. But God can see the big picture. He can see how trials and testing in my life are growing and stretching me as an individual, and even more importantly, as a Christian.
Contentment is something that I've always struggled with and I still do struggle with it. I want to make things the way that I think they should be. It's a constant process for me and I'd love to say that I had the answer, but I don't. The only way for me to find contentment is to lean on God and to trust in Him more.

To Give Hope

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, 'Plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11(NLT)
In the past I've loved this verse, but up until today I never fully believed it. I always thought, "Oh that's cool! God knows what He's doing!" However, today I realized that not only do I need to think that, I need to believe it.
I can come up with all the plans, and dreams, and goals, and desires, that I want but unless they are what God wants for me, and in the proper time frame then all those things won't come to pass. I'm not saying that it's wrong to plan, and dream, and set goals for ourselves - that's actually a very good thing to do, that way we stay active and have a desire to do something. What I think this verse is actually saying is that God has something for each of us that goes beyond our wildest dream, and our farthest goal. Just because something doesn't go EXACTLY like we had wanted doesn't mean that everything in life is wrong, it just means that God is doing some readjusting, and refining and when He is done we will look back and say, "WOW!"
That's the amazing thing about the hope that we have in Christ, He is in control, and He has a plan for each one of us.

Molding a Masterpiece

Master Potter, why do You labor all day,
Giving such effort to rough, worthless pieces of clay?
Why such feeling in Your hands?
Why such care in every touch?
Why all the struggle?
Your creation is nothing but dust.

I'm molding a masterpiece,
A work of great beauty.
I'm molding a masterpiece;
My labor's not done.
A trophy, a treasure
Of worth beyond measure
I'm molding a masterpiece,
A masterpiece of love.

~Ron Hamilton

Carried Me

So I'm sitting here, thinking that I really need to write something but at the moment the words aren't coming. I know what I want to write, but the thoughts aren't processing very well, so I'm going to attempt putting my thoughts to words, but I don't know how it's going to end up.
These past several days have been the hardest that I've ever lived. There were times that I didn't even want to live; I would have much rather curled up and died. There were times that like David I cried, "Why standest thou afar off, O Lord? Why hidest thou thyself in times of trouble? (Psalm 10:1). I honestly felt like God had left me. At times I wondered if God even existed! Thankfully God placed a few people in my life who wouldn't let me give up. They encouraged me, argued with me, cried with me, loved me, but most importantly they prayed for me.
I can't say that I'm back to normal, because I'm not, and it will probably be a long time before I'm back to my usual self. Right now I know that the best thing for me is to stay as busy as possible, and the most important thing is to make sure that I focus on what God has for me. Again, along with David I'm saying, "Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved." (Psalm 62:1-2).

Carried Me

Jesus you have carried me
When I could not stand
Jesus you have carried me
It's all been part of your plan

Jesus you have carried me
It's your footprints in the sand
Jesus you have carried me
It was always in your hands

~Jeremy Camp

Lessons From Deployment

When Jason was first deployed I really struggled with the Navy pretty much taking all of his time. I was looking back in my journal the other day, and near the beginning of his deployment I saw some entries where I was pretty mad at the Navy. I'll be honest, I had some pretty bad attitudes about it, which I'm NOT proud about at all! As I kept reading I saw how I began to slowly realize that if I wanted Jason, then I'd have to learn to deal with the Navy, and that the best thing for me to do was to walk closer with God and to focus on others instead of myself. Mainly I had to learn to cherish even more the time that I did have with him, and make the most of it. Did that always take away the ache of missing him? no! But it DID make our time together more precious and times apart less stressful.
Pretty much up until we say our "I do's" our relationship will be this way, because even once he comes back to the states we will both still be in school, and schedules will still vary.
On my own, I would probably throw in the towel and say, "Forget it! I can't do this!" But with God's help I know that what I'm doing is right, and in the end it will be worth it all.

For Those that Love Him

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him. ~II Cor. 2: 9

Recently I read this verse in my devotions and I began to really think about it. Sometimes when I start looking at my circumstances I wonder what in the world God is doing. I want to say, "Uh hello God, ummm…I'm down here, and life's kinda hard, and I don't know what You are doing! Would You mind letting me in on the secret?" But then I have to realize that God can see everything that is going on and not only that HE is orchestrating everything in my life and in the end I will be able to look back and see that everything that I went through worked out for my good and God's plans are so much better than mine. "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." ~Jeremiah 29:11

I hope this thought encouraged you as much as it did me. Life is rough, but God has plans for each of us that go beyond our wildest dreams if we stay focused on Him and love Him. Keep your chin up, and continue to trust the Lord.

Can You Hang On?

"Everyone experiences tough times; it is a measure of your determination and dedication how you deal with them and how you can come through them." ~Lakshmi Mittal

Sometimes life can bring some pretty unexpected blows, and when that happens often I find myself gasping for breath and hurting very badly. I simply want to quit. But I can't. I have to push myself to go on. I have to smile despite of the tears, and no matter the pain I must laugh. The point is, I have to hang on, and I can't get my eyes off the finish line.

I've been thinking about a post like this for quite a while, because recently I have personally been struggling with an overwhelming desire to quit. I'm tired, worn out, and I FEEL like I need a break. In reality, when I'm struggling with the desire to give up, it is because I have stopped looking to God and instead focused on me. What I have to ask myself is, how much determination and dedication do I have to overcome my problems? My answer is to get alone with God. I have to pour my problems out to Him and then He gives me the peace and strength to go on.



In my weakness He is strong,

In my need He leads me on,

When I come to the end of all I am,

Then I place my trust in Him

And then His grace begins to flow.

Why seek counsel?

There are times in my life that I really don’t know what to do. Sometimes it is simply with a decision that needs to be made, and other times it’s because life has dealt me an unexpected blow and I don’t know where to turn. It is then that I need to seek outside counsel.

A huge reason for getting counsel is because often other people can see things that are going on that I cannot see. They have an outside perspective on the issues that I’m having and they can help me deal with my problems. Another reason for seeking Biblical counseling is that the counselor will take me back to the Bible to see what God has to say about my struggles. They will also pray with and for me that God would show me what to do.

Seeking counsel is so important because it helps you to focus on what God wants you to do. It is also important to help me make a careful and thought out decision, rather than a decision based on emotions and the heat of the moment. “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” –I Corinthians 10:13