It's Been a Year

Today I came across a journal entry dated January 21, 2012:

This is the beginning of the rest of my life. I'm packing up for Washington D.C. and my field rep position which starts on Tuesday! My interview was Thursday, I was offered the job yesterday and no must go to D.C. quickly. From what I know I'll be training there for a few weeks then off to parts unknown through November. I was told that I could be living in up to 4 or 5 sates between now and then! So excited and so scared. Saying goodbye is so hard because my heart is very much tied here both politically and emotionally. Only God will be able to get me through the next 10 months but I am so excited about what is to come! This is the adventure of my life.

Little did I know how intense the year would be. Starting tomorrow I am going to be posting some of the highlights of 2012. In summary, I've lived in 4 states, had 9 addresses, traveled to 28 states and worked 2 jobs which allowed me to meet new people, learn new skills and have so many unique opportunities.

Psalm 20

¹ May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble!
   May the name of the God of Jacob protect you!
² May he send you help from the sanctuary
   and give you support from Zion!
³ May he remember all your offerings
   and regard with favor your burnt sacrifices!
                         Selah
⁴ May he grant you your heart's desire
   and fulfill all your plans!
⁵ May we shout for joy over your salvation,
   and in the name of our God set up our banners!
   May the LORD fulfill all your petitions!
⁶ Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
   he will answer him from his holy heaven
   with the saving might of his right hand.
⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
   but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
⁸ They collapse and fall,
   but we rise and stand upright.
⁹ O LORD, save the king!
   May he answer us when we call.

A Legacy

Friday was the funeral for my 22 year old cousin, Zac. God chose to take him suddenly from this earth to his eternal home in heaven. No one had a chance to say good-bye, he was given no chance to make anything right, God just took him. Yet for one so young, Zac left behind a legacy that screamed of glorifying and loving God. He walked with God and he lived his life with a seriousness that is astounding. God was the center of his life. He lived and died for His glory. Everything everyone said about Zac showed his deep love for God and the people around him. The lives he touched, the people he influenced, the difference he made, all of it is amazing.

For the past week as we dealt with the shock, grief, funeral, all of it, my thoughts keeps running to the fact that Zac was only just over a year older than me. I can't tell you how much I have wept, not at the thought of his death, but at the thought of how imminent my death could be. It's so easy to think, "Eh, I'm only 21, nothing is going to happen, I have my entire life in front of me." But that is so not true. Only God knows the length of my days. It's easy to take life for granted...to assume that I'm going to live until I'm 90, it's easy to blow each day focused on the things of this world and not taking much time to focus on God and the real meaning of life -- glorifying Him. I am ashamed at how much time I spend doing what I want rather than doing what God wants me to do.

I can't get over how fast a life can be snuffed out. It a matter of mere seconds someone can go from alive and perfectly well right into eternity. (I know this is nothing new, just a new reality for me.) Life really is just a vapor, here and then gone. Sometimes that vapor lasts slightly longer than others, but still, it goes by quickly and just as quickly it disappears. What is more important, doing what I want or doing something that matters for God? Which matters more, fame and fortune or the lives of others? God calls each Christian to make an influence on the lost around us, to bring them to Him.

If I were to die tomorrow what would people say at my funeral? What would be my legacy? Would they talk about how much I loved God and wanted to serve Him? Or would they talk about what I had wanted to do? Would they say my life glorified God or would they say it glorified me?

Christmas In Heaven

This year I have many loved ones who are for the first time experiencing Christmas in Heaven. 

I miss them so much, but am thankful that they are in God's very presence...they are truly blessed.

Healing Rain

Healing rain is coming down 

It's coming nearer to this old town 

Rich and poor, weak and strong 

It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down 

It's coming closer to the lost and found 

Tears of joy, and tears of shame 

Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire 

So let it fall and take us higher 

Healing rain, I'm not afraid 

To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return 

To the mercy seat where time began 

And in your eyes, I see the pain 

Come soak this dry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man 

Can take a leper and let him stand 

So lift your hands, they can be held 

By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire 

So let it fall and take us higher 

Healing rain, I'm not afraid 

To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down 

Healing rain is falling down 

I'm not afraid 

I'm not afraid...

Father, Lead Me

Father, lead me day by day,

Ever in Thine own sweet way;

Teach me to be pure and true;

Show me what I ought to do.

When in danger, make me brave,

Make me know that Thou canst save;

Keep me safely by Thy dear side;

Let me in Thy love abide.

When I'm tempted to do wrong,

Make me steadfast, wise and strong;

And when all alone I stand,

Shield me with Thy mighty hand.

When my heart is full of glee,

Help me to remember Thee,

Happy most of all to know,

That my Father loves me so.

~~*John Hopps*~~

More Unanswered Questions and Waiting

Right now my heart is in turmoil. I have so many unanswered questions, so many choices, so many decisions, so many options, so many emotions. Sometimes I think I know what I want but most of the time I have no idea. The hardest place right now is knowing what I want but not being able to go after it. The pain from that is staggering. At the moment I have no choice in this matter, I have to wait for God to move, and I've been waiting for years, and sometimes I wonder how much longer I must wait. Yet, even though it's hard, I must trust and wait on the Lord. Driving home from Ohio last night I listened to this song over and over for almost two hours. I must keep moving, even though I am waiting.

Heaven Needed Him More

Today is the birthday of my dear friend, Aaron Williams. He would be 39. However, God chose to take him away from us 5 1/2 years ago. He was a Marine. And the most awesome, Marine in the world. Ah, how I miss him. God chose to take him Home, not through war, but through a brain tumor, giving us time to say "good-bye." The six months that the doctor gave him stretched into three years, and for those three years we watched as Aaron struggled through multiple surgeries, chemo, alternative medicine, and finally he came home to die. We knew that each moment could be our last with him, and so we cherished each day and memory. I will never forget holding his hand the night before he went to Heaven. Standing at his beside, tears rolling down my cheeks as I told him how much I loved him and how he would always be my favorite jar head. I realized that would probably be the last time I would see him alive on this earth, it was.

Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard. It's been 5 1/2 years and I still remember his birthday, and wish I could call him up just to say hello. He was one of the finest men God ever made, and his memory lives on in the hearts of those who were privileged to know and love Aaron. Heaven needed a hero so God took ours, leaving us behind to mourn our loss. However, we know that our parting is but for a moment, and soon, we will see him again in Heaven.

As the Deer

As the deer panteth for the water

So my soul longeth after Thee,

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship Thee.

Chorus:

You alone are my strength and shield,

To You alone may my spirit yield,

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship Thee.

You're my friend and You are my brother,

Even though You are the King,

I love You more than any other

So much more than anything.

I want You more than gold or silver,

Only You can satisfy,

You alone are the real joy giver

And the apple of my eye.

Thankful for...

I had a long thanksgiving post mostly written and was going to finish it tonight, but I deleted it. This year I can say I am most thankful for pain and heartache. Yeah, I know, that's not "normal" but it's true. The pain, heartache, loss, struggles, decisions, tears, sleepless nights, all of it, I am thankful. Why? Because through it all I learned that God truly gives a song in the night. He gives peace, love, guidance, direction, mercy, grace, strength, healing, comfort, protection, and on the list could go. He is almighty, unchangeable, God. In His loving plan He brought the hard times to my life to grow, stretch and strengthen me. His blessings do often "come through raindrops."

Closed Door

"When one door closes another door opens;

but we so often look so long and so regretfully at the closed door

that we do not see the ones which open for us."

~~*Alexander Graham Bell*~~

Mourdock Monday!

Once again, it's my favorite day of the week, MOURDOCK MONDAY! Check out his ad that came out recently!

Do not be Afraid of Their Faces

To say that what I believe isn't always popular is an understatement. And the last day or two have been difficult in that people want to crush what I believe and make me believe the way they do. I don't like that. Some have called me young and naive (I call them old and dumb, just I'm polite and don't say it to their face like they do to me). Unlike them, I have a fresh perspective on life. I'm not afraid to take a risk. I'll stick my neck out to go with the unpopular vote over the popular vote any day. Besides, their generation taught me that what is popular isn't always right, yet instead of practicing what they preach, they jump on me for following orders. (Yes, I am ranting, but I promise it's not going to last too long). If you haven't guessed, it has to do with politics (something I love and hate at the same time).

So needless to say, I've been struggling. Big. Time. This morning God reminded me that my hope is in Him, not in an earthly cause or person. "Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." (Psalm 43:5 NKJV) Ah, what sweet comfort. He saved me from a pit of despair, why do I keep going back into it willingly? Silly me. But still, frustration held on to me just a tiny bit. Fact: I am young. Fact: I don't have a lot of experience. So who am I to go against these people who supposedly know a lot more than me. But God, in His loving way once again led me to a beautiful passage in Jeremiah. The great prophet is at this time young, and like me, feels inadequate. Listen to the exchange:

God: Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.

Jeremiah (I can imaging he's trembling a little bit and says in a shaky voice): "Ah, Lord God! Behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth!"

There! He said it! He can't do it! Duh! He's too young! C'mon God! What are You thinking? 

But alas, God replies: Do not say, 'I am a youth,' for you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of their faces, for I am with you to deliver you.

Well, who can argue with that? Not Jeremiah, and definitely not me. God's calling isn't always easy, but He gives us what we need. He is with us and will deliver us.

Veterans Day

Thank you to the men and women who have served and are serving our country!

The "180" Movie

This is life changing! A must see for everyone, especially high school and college students!

The Sky is NOT the Limit

Recently I was texting a friend who is just as politically interested as I am, he lives in California. We were joking back and forth about when we are the governors of our respective states and the changes we'd make. And of course we went on to dream about being the President, Vice President, etc. It was good, innocent fun. All of a sudden this thought hit me, "Seriously, I'm so excited about the future and so glad God placed me in this country...the sky is literally the limit. And even then, there is always space exploration. It's awesome."

This country was based on a principle very similar to that. Our own Declaration of Independence declares, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuite of Happiness." Those words are some of the most famous in the United States, yet many don't truly believe them. Some have been conned into thinking that their station in life, their job, their current circumstances are all that they are ever going to have. They think that they can't do better. And in some countries that is true.

Not in America.

Here we are given the opportunity to become whatever we dream, no matter what our background is, how wealthy our family was, or how young or old we are. I may be young, but I have the ability to become a Congresswoman or Senator, Governor, Secretary of Defense, Ambassador, and yes, eventually even the President of the United States. If politics wasn't my forte, I could become a brain surgeon, geologist, pilot, small business owner...whatever I wanted. America is truly the land of opportunity. There is no such thing as being too ambitious here.

Life here isn't perfect. It has it's ups and downs. There are people who will try to discourage you from achieving and reaching for your dreams. But don't give up. As long as we are a free country, America will continue to be a beacon to the world of freedom and opportunity. Remember, the sky is literally the limit, and if you want to go further, try space exploration.

Attributes of God

Almost two months ago a friend suggested that we do a little Bible study together. What we do is daily as part of our time with God we look for an attribute of God and text the verse and any thoughts we have on it to each other. It has been a wonderful time of learning about who God really is. I though I knew Him, but I have found that there is so much more to Him than I could ever imagine. The following are some of my favorites.
(All Scriptures are taken from the English Standard Version unless otherwise noted)

• God is Our Sustainer. Psalm 3:5, "I lay down and slept; I awoke again, for the Lord sustained me."
• God is a Stronghold. Psalm 9:9, "The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."
• God is My Portion. Psalm 119:57, "The Lord is my portion; I promise to keep your words."
• He is the God of the Living. Matthew 22:32b, "...He is not a God of the dead, but of the living."
• God has Steadfast Love. Psalm 52:2, "...the steadfast love of God endures all day."
• Jesus is the Same. Hebrews 13:8, "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, today, and forever."
• He is My God. Deuteronomy 10:21, "He is your praise. He is your God, who has done for you these great and terrifying things that your eyes have seen." (This is my personal favorite)
• God Calls Us. Romans 11:29 (NKJV), "For the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable."
• God Rescues Us. Psalm 18:16-17 (NIV), "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me."
• God is Patient. II Peter 3:9, "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."
• The Lord knows the Way I Take. Job 23:10 (NKJV), "But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold."
• God is Unique. Job 23:13 (NKJV), "But He is unique, and who can make Him change? And whatever His soul desires, that He does."
• God will be Our Rear Guard. Isaiah 52:12, "For you shall not go out in haste, and you shall not go in flight, for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard."
• The Lord Loves Justice. Psalm 37:28, "For the Lord loves justice; he will not forsake his saints."
• The Lord is Slow to Anger. Psalm 103:8, "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."
• God Hears the Brokenhearted. Psalm 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
• The Lord Called Me from the Womb. Isaiah 49:1, "Listen to me, O coast lands, and give attention, you peoples from afar. The Lord called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name."
• My Redeemer Lives. Job 19:25, "For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth."
• God's Greatness is More than can be Told. Psalm 40:5, "You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with You! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told."
• God is Beautiful. Psalm 27:4, "One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple."
• The Lord Heals Backsliding. Hosea 14:4 (NKJV), "I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely."
• God Supplies. Philippians 4:19, "And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

Through Indiana

I started a new blog! It's called "Through Indiana" and is meant to show fellow Hoosiers and others around the country and world the beauty of my great state! Click here to see it and follow it.

From the Rear

Frederick Douglass Quote

"The honor of a nation is an important thing. It is said in the Scriptures,

 'What doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?'

It may be said, also,

 'What doth it profit a nation if it gain the whole world, but lose its honor?'"