Struggles

This year has been one of many ups and downs. Frankly, from a human perspective it has been one of the worst years of my life. Things simply have not gone well at all. The beginning of the year outwardly was the hardest with so many things happening to my family that it appears terrible. And it was in one sense, however, when it comes to Spirituality, it was the closest, most sweet time I have ever had with my Lord. I was at a point in life that I had to fully rely on God to get me through each day. I drew close to Him as I spent much time in His Word and on my knees in prayer. Every new day brought more pain and anguish, and each day I learned more and more how much I needed my Savior by my side. It was a time of sweet fellowship with God, and great learning of God. I learned to have sweet peace even in the midst of great adversity. I felt the peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7) and I felt a true sense of joy that went through my entire being.

Recently, on the outside life has calmed down. It has been quite some time since an "emergency" has struck my life. It would seem like right now I would be using this time to discover more about the greatness of God. I hate to admit it, but this time right now I find it more difficult to focus on God than I have in a very long time. Now, instead of outward, visible struggles, I have deep, inward struggles. Although not evident, these seem to be worse than the outward hard times. Rather than depending on God, and trusting Him to see me through, I catch myself trying to work everything out on my own. Doing this causes me to lose focus on the important things of life, and instead concentrate on the parts of life that I have no control over. Rather than spending time reveling in the goodness of God, I find myself fighting Him over minute details that really don't matter in the end. I keep forgetting that God has plans for my life, and those plans are meant for good, not evil, plans of hope for the future. (Jeremiah 29:11).

I would greatly appreciate prayers as I try to refocus my life by truly depending on God and trusting Him for all of my needs.