A Legacy

Friday was the funeral for my 22 year old cousin, Zac. God chose to take him suddenly from this earth to his eternal home in heaven. No one had a chance to say good-bye, he was given no chance to make anything right, God just took him. Yet for one so young, Zac left behind a legacy that screamed of glorifying and loving God. He walked with God and he lived his life with a seriousness that is astounding. God was the center of his life. He lived and died for His glory. Everything everyone said about Zac showed his deep love for God and the people around him. The lives he touched, the people he influenced, the difference he made, all of it is amazing.

For the past week as we dealt with the shock, grief, funeral, all of it, my thoughts keeps running to the fact that Zac was only just over a year older than me. I can't tell you how much I have wept, not at the thought of his death, but at the thought of how imminent my death could be. It's so easy to think, "Eh, I'm only 21, nothing is going to happen, I have my entire life in front of me." But that is so not true. Only God knows the length of my days. It's easy to take life for granted...to assume that I'm going to live until I'm 90, it's easy to blow each day focused on the things of this world and not taking much time to focus on God and the real meaning of life -- glorifying Him. I am ashamed at how much time I spend doing what I want rather than doing what God wants me to do.

I can't get over how fast a life can be snuffed out. It a matter of mere seconds someone can go from alive and perfectly well right into eternity. (I know this is nothing new, just a new reality for me.) Life really is just a vapor, here and then gone. Sometimes that vapor lasts slightly longer than others, but still, it goes by quickly and just as quickly it disappears. What is more important, doing what I want or doing something that matters for God? Which matters more, fame and fortune or the lives of others? God calls each Christian to make an influence on the lost around us, to bring them to Him.

If I were to die tomorrow what would people say at my funeral? What would be my legacy? Would they talk about how much I loved God and wanted to serve Him? Or would they talk about what I had wanted to do? Would they say my life glorified God or would they say it glorified me?

Christmas In Heaven

This year I have many loved ones who are for the first time experiencing Christmas in Heaven. 

I miss them so much, but am thankful that they are in God's very presence...they are truly blessed.

Healing Rain

Healing rain is coming down 

It's coming nearer to this old town 

Rich and poor, weak and strong 

It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down 

It's coming closer to the lost and found 

Tears of joy, and tears of shame 

Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire 

So let it fall and take us higher 

Healing rain, I'm not afraid 

To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return 

To the mercy seat where time began 

And in your eyes, I see the pain 

Come soak this dry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man 

Can take a leper and let him stand 

So lift your hands, they can be held 

By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire 

So let it fall and take us higher 

Healing rain, I'm not afraid 

To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down 

Healing rain is falling down 

I'm not afraid 

I'm not afraid...

Father, Lead Me

Father, lead me day by day,

Ever in Thine own sweet way;

Teach me to be pure and true;

Show me what I ought to do.

When in danger, make me brave,

Make me know that Thou canst save;

Keep me safely by Thy dear side;

Let me in Thy love abide.

When I'm tempted to do wrong,

Make me steadfast, wise and strong;

And when all alone I stand,

Shield me with Thy mighty hand.

When my heart is full of glee,

Help me to remember Thee,

Happy most of all to know,

That my Father loves me so.

~~*John Hopps*~~

More Unanswered Questions and Waiting

Right now my heart is in turmoil. I have so many unanswered questions, so many choices, so many decisions, so many options, so many emotions. Sometimes I think I know what I want but most of the time I have no idea. The hardest place right now is knowing what I want but not being able to go after it. The pain from that is staggering. At the moment I have no choice in this matter, I have to wait for God to move, and I've been waiting for years, and sometimes I wonder how much longer I must wait. Yet, even though it's hard, I must trust and wait on the Lord. Driving home from Ohio last night I listened to this song over and over for almost two hours. I must keep moving, even though I am waiting.

Heaven Needed Him More

Today is the birthday of my dear friend, Aaron Williams. He would be 39. However, God chose to take him away from us 5 1/2 years ago. He was a Marine. And the most awesome, Marine in the world. Ah, how I miss him. God chose to take him Home, not through war, but through a brain tumor, giving us time to say "good-bye." The six months that the doctor gave him stretched into three years, and for those three years we watched as Aaron struggled through multiple surgeries, chemo, alternative medicine, and finally he came home to die. We knew that each moment could be our last with him, and so we cherished each day and memory. I will never forget holding his hand the night before he went to Heaven. Standing at his beside, tears rolling down my cheeks as I told him how much I loved him and how he would always be my favorite jar head. I realized that would probably be the last time I would see him alive on this earth, it was.

Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard. It's been 5 1/2 years and I still remember his birthday, and wish I could call him up just to say hello. He was one of the finest men God ever made, and his memory lives on in the hearts of those who were privileged to know and love Aaron. Heaven needed a hero so God took ours, leaving us behind to mourn our loss. However, we know that our parting is but for a moment, and soon, we will see him again in Heaven.

As the Deer

As the deer panteth for the water

So my soul longeth after Thee,

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship Thee.

Chorus:

You alone are my strength and shield,

To You alone may my spirit yield,

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship Thee.

You're my friend and You are my brother,

Even though You are the King,

I love You more than any other

So much more than anything.

I want You more than gold or silver,

Only You can satisfy,

You alone are the real joy giver

And the apple of my eye.