Have you ever come to a point where you seriously doubt if God even exists? Have you ever wondered, "If God DOES exist, does He care about me? Because, after all, if He truly cares He never would have done THIS to me, or let me go through this trial!!"
I must admit that I've responded in many wrong ways to hurts and pains of life. I've gotten mad and angry at God and others. I've wanted to do some pretty bad things to myself, to those who care about me, and I've wanted to completely ditch God. None of those are very good things to do at all. I've gone into the very depths of despair. I thought that God had abandoned me and I thought that He may not even exist. I really had to do some major soul searching to see if God was really there, and if I truly believed in Him. Those were some of the darkest moments of my life. I firmly believe that had it not been for the prayers of my parents and friends then I would have gone "off the deep end."
I'm finally starting to get over that hardship and then BAM another battle comes my way. Now I KNOW that God is there and I know that He's my God and He truly cares for me. I know that whatever the reason may be, He is using it in my life to refine me, to make me stronger, and to make me a better Christian. Is it easy? NO! Rather, it's quite the opposite...it's VERY difficult, and I have no idea why this is happening to me. It's a case of broken trust and friendship and someone who I thought was one person ended up being someone totally different. However, I know that had I not gone through the previous trials and tests that God sent to me, then I would probably not have survived this most recent one. I've learned that the best way to go is to turn to God. When I was home I could run to my parents and cry on their shoulders, but now I'm in college, and I can't go running home when life knocks me. I have to run to God. "My soul melteth for heaviness; strengthen thou me according unto thy word." -Psalm 119:28 I guess the biggest lesson that I've learned in the past month is that God is really out there and even though trouble comes I rely on Him.