Loving You More Each Day

On every mountain it's easy to see

How You have guided and directed me.

There's not a valley that I've gone through

That I just grow stronger

In my walk with You.

So with all of my hear, Lord I say,

"I'm loving You more each day."

When the end's not in sight

and I'm travelling by faith

I lean on the valleys of my yesterdays

For I have a hope that this too shall pass.

And when I'm on top I'll know

I've made it at last,

And Lord You will hear me say,

"I'm loving You more each day."

~Unknown~

The Plans He Has

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

~Jeremiah 29:11~

My life has taken a very dramatic twist in the past several days. Mom's surgery on Thursday did not go as well as had originally been hoped, and she has been having a lot of complications - in fact she is still in the hospital and will be for at least two or three more days, maybe longer! She has not been able to keep food down and as a result of the vomiting she has been doing, her incision is coming open - not good at all. They had to put a tube down her nose today in order to pump her stomach.

In light of all of these problems on Monday I offered to my parents to come home for good. Mom is going to need a lot of help once she gets out of the hospital and dad has to go back to work. My parents were very hesitant to agree with me because they did not want me to give up my schooling. However, with the turn of events today, they finally realized that this was probably for the better. I was originally planning on working the rest of this week and next week before moving back home. When I told my general manager about that she offered to try to find people to cover the rest of my shifts for the week and then take me off the schedule next week. She was able to do that so now I am in the process of packing my belongings and planning on leaving tomorrow morning for home.

Wow...crazy twist, and not exactly an easy one to deal with. I had to say good-bye to a lot of dear friends and co-workers today, but it is worth it, family is so important. I am planning on trying to get my job back at Wendy's, or even better, finding a job waitressing, working nights so that I will be home with mom while dad is at work. Lord willing I will be returning to Shawnee for the Fall semester.

While I do not know why this had to happen, I am not angry, or bitter, or even hesitant about it. I know that this is the next step that God wants me to take. A friend once told me, "Life isn't what we dream, but we're not the ones in charge." God has this all under control, and I am resting completely in Him. Please continue to pray for my mom as she struggles to recover from her surgery.

Wandering

At long last my college "career" is winding down. Only two more semesters of classes and one semester of student teaching and I am finished, done, out of there, over...you get the point! Yay, right? No, more like aaahhhh!

Earlier today I was talking to someone at church. We were having a nice chat catching up on our lives when she asked me the dreaded questions, "So what are you going to do when you graduate?" Ugh. I really had no answer. You see, for the past two in-a-half years my life has bee pretty ritualistic. Go to school. Christmas break. School again. Summer break. Go to school, well, you get the point. I have not had to worry about what I am going to do, where I am going to live, the whole nine yards. Even more importantly, I have not wondered what I am going to do with my life.

For a college student who is getting close to graduation life is confusing, there are so many choices to make, and many different roads that can be taken. Well meaning people have said well meaning things to students, encouraging us to pursue our dreams, telling us that we have the ability to do anything we want, we can make it to the top - that's the problem, what if we do not know what we want, or what exactly our dreams are? And where exactly is this "top"? So what if the world is open to us? We do not know what to do with this new wide expanse of life. I think many times we are misunderstood because everyone thinks that now that we are through with our schooling we should be ready to settle down and begin our careers, living happily the American dream. Uh sure. I am so glad people think that, but man do they think wrong because quite the opposite is true.

From my point of view, I know that God has called me to work with teens, therefore I am pursuing a degree in education. My life should be pretty simple, I should finish my student teaching and either go right into my own classroom or get a masters degree. Ummm....but what if I do not know that I am ready yet to be in front of a classroom? And for goodness sake, I AM TIRED OF SCHOOL, so going right to grad school is kind of out of the option.

My cousin, Greg, is a doctor. I remember when he was in between undergrad and med school he took a year off to just bum around, have fun, and do nothing. At the time I was in grade school and did not understand why he would do such a thing. Now that I am approaching that same time I totally understand. A break sounds amazing. In fact, I may just do that. Who knows, the world is open out there to explore, why not explore it? There is time enough to get serious, but precious little time to relax and enjoy life to its fullest.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover."

~Mark Twain~

Not Exactly the Merriest

As I write this I am sitting in the hospital with mom, she was supposed to come home today, but that did not happen. I am not going to lie, it has been a pretty bleak Christmas - after all, who in their right mind wants to be at the hospital on Christmas? We are supposed to be home, opening presents, eating food, laughing, and spending time with family.

It is really easy to have a pity party and moan and complain - in fact I keep catching myself doing that. However, I try to remind myself that really, things could be a lot worse, so I made a list of things I am thankful for throughout this time.

• We are together as a family.
• We are warm and dry.
• Mom will eventually be fine.
• There are a lot of good nurses who are taking good care of mom.
• Mom's doctor, Dr. Simon, is really good, and a Christian.
• We have lots of friends who keep checking up on us.
• God has a reason for this - even though we do not see it at the moment.
• We have a white Christmas.
• I made it home safely, even though I drove through the wee hours of the night.
• No matter what happens, God is still on the Throne.

That was not a long or exhaustive list, but it is a start. Life happens and you have the choice of either becoming depressed and bitter about it or choosing to find the positive somewhere. Honestly, it is somewhat difficult at times to look on the bright side, but when I choose to see the good life looks brighter. I hope and pray that all of you had a very merry and blessed Christmas with friends and loved ones gathered around.

Christmas Banquet

The first weekend of December Shawnee had a Christmas banquet...here are some pictures.

*****Before the banquet*****

*****All the "single girls"*****

*****Ruthie, Kaye Lani, Laura, Hannah*****

*****Theresa and I played a duet during the service*****

*****Amanda and Kaye Lani*****

*****My date, John*****

*****Kaye Lani, Kasie, Laura*****

*****Anna, Laura*****

*****Carrie, Laura*****

*****Carrie, Kaye Lani*****

*****Amy.....she had just drunk lemon juice*****

*****After the banquet, Amy and Brandon had bought glow sticks*****

*****Derrick and Tiffani*****

*****Amanda, Hannah, Laura, Kaye Lani*****

*****Kaye Lani, Tiffani, Laura*****

*****Tim, Laura*****

*****Laura, Kaasi, Anna, Theresa*****

Call Back

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back­;

'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;

And if, perchance, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,

Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;

Call back, and say He kept you when the forest's roots were torn;

That when the heavens thundered and the earthquake shook the hill,

He bore you up and held you where the very air was still.

O friend, call back and tell me, for I cannot see your face;

They say it glows with triumph, and your feet bound in the race;

But there are mists between us, and my spirit eyes are dim,

And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you'll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,

And if you'll say He saw you through the night's sin-darkened sky,­

If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back,­

'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

- Selected

(Quoted in Streams In The Desert devotional)

I have Learned

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Copied from http://academictips.org

Laughter No Matter What

This Christmas is not exactly going to be the best Christmas ever, this makes the third Christmas in a row that has been pretty terrible. You see, my mom has to have surgery on the 23rd and will not be getting out of the hospital until Christmas day at the earliest. Even worse, I have to work until 11 pm on the 23rd so I will not be at the hospital for her surgery and I will not be getting home until sometime Christmas Eve and I have to head back to school on the 27th to work! BLAH!

To be honest I have really been struggling with all of this - I have wanted to throw a big pity party and complain about everything. After all, not only do I not get to be home very much over Christmas break, but most of that time will be spent in the hospital. Not cool in my opinion.

The other day it hit me - no matter how badly I want to scream and cry and boo hoo the circumstances, it is not going to change a thing...so why not make the best of them? (Duh, Hannah!) Maybe we will not be having a traditional Christmas with lots of food and laughter and fun and presents, but that does not mean that we still cannot have fun and spread the Christmas cheer! I found out the other day that my mom is baking cookies this week and freezing them so she can take them to her nurses, they have to spend Christmas in the hospital too. Even better than that my aunt and her boyfriend (whom I have not yet met, and still need to approve ;)) are going to be coming to the hospital on Christmas Eve, and we are going to paarrrtttyyyy! Hopefully mom will be able to come home on Christmas (we are all planning and praying that way) so at least we will be home part of that day. :) Not only that, but I decided that Sunday I am staying home from church with Mom, we will get some of that mother/daughter time that is always so special and wonderful.

See?! It is not all that bad! I'm sure we will find lots of things to laugh about and in the years to come we will look back at this time as a time of love, laughter, and growing together as a family. This Christmas has the potential of becoming the best Christmas ever.

Diamonds or Stones?

Amazing Day!

I had quite the day today, it was crazy, insane, and so funnnnyyyyy!!!! It started around 7 am in the college kitchen, a friend, Kaye Lani, and I were bringing breakfast to our Sunday school class so we got up extra early to make cinnamon rolls. It was really creepy because everything was dark and spooky...we had a lot of fun! She and I and another friend, Laura, left for church, but we had freezing rain last night, so my 2 back passenger car doors froze shut! Kaye Lani is tiny so she just climbed over the seats and we handed back the food to her...amid a myriad of giggles! :D Next Laura and I climbed in up front and started out the drive way, all of a sudden I heard a scream and looked over, apparently Laura's door froze OPEN and it would not latch at all! I called my dad and he told me to stop at a gas station and get WD40 to spray in the lock. I had to use a lot of it, but finally, I think the door just froze back shut. Either way we made it safely to church, but when we got there we all decided to get out my door! I'm sure we were quite the sight, 3 college girls, food and all climbing out one door! :D (The door did finally unfreeze by the time church was out).

Let me tell you, people in northern KY and southern IN do NOT know how to drive in snow. On our way to church tonight we passed and accident...it was wet pavement, not icy! On the way back from church it was snowing really hard and there was about 1 inch of snow on the ground, we were going 35 mph on the 65 mph hwy, and the road was wet, not icy! Oh wells.

I watched a movie with a friend, but about half way through the movie the fire alarm went off! AAAHHHH!!!!!! So we had to go outside in our pajamas and the snow and wait for the fire department to get here! Thank the Lord for cars...I think about 10 of us crammed into a friends van and turned Christmas music on high and totally had a blast!! It was just a false alarm, which was good! :) So yeah...it was an awesome day filled with a million memories!

Oh, I forgot to mention. My friend Kaye Lani is one of my bff's, she started talking to one of my other bff's, Silas, about 2 or 3 weeks ago...he treats her like royalty and today they got to spend a lot of time together...that was an awesome topping to an awesome, fun filled, memorable day!

That Dreaded Last Week....

Ah yes! School is winding down and alas! this is the last week of classes. For some reason professors seem to get some sort of joy out of dumping a million projects and assignments on their students for this lovely last week. I think that I have more things due between yesterday and Friday than I've had in any one month all semester! YIKES!!!! I'm sooooo looking forward to Friday because I have the day off work and I can sleep after class!! Finals start next Monday, but I don't have a final until Wednesday! Praise the Lord!

I'm not gonna lie, I feel really overwhelmed right now. I have two 2,000 word research papers, a presentation, a seven minute story to tell, a high school science lesson to peer teach, a file project, and two notebooks ALL DUE THIS WEEK! Right now all I'm able to do is rely on God...He's the only way I'm going to make it through! I would greatly appreciate your prayers during this week.

Oh and I forgot to mention, tonight is the first night that I manage by myself! Yet another YIKES! I'm on the schedule to manage Thursday night as well!