Loving You More Each Day

On every mountain it's easy to see

How You have guided and directed me.

There's not a valley that I've gone through

That I just grow stronger

In my walk with You.

So with all of my hear, Lord I say,

"I'm loving You more each day."

When the end's not in sight

and I'm travelling by faith

I lean on the valleys of my yesterdays

For I have a hope that this too shall pass.

And when I'm on top I'll know

I've made it at last,

And Lord You will hear me say,

"I'm loving You more each day."

~Unknown~

The Plans He Has

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

~Jeremiah 29:11~

My life has taken a very dramatic twist in the past several days. Mom's surgery on Thursday did not go as well as had originally been hoped, and she has been having a lot of complications - in fact she is still in the hospital and will be for at least two or three more days, maybe longer! She has not been able to keep food down and as a result of the vomiting she has been doing, her incision is coming open - not good at all. They had to put a tube down her nose today in order to pump her stomach.

In light of all of these problems on Monday I offered to my parents to come home for good. Mom is going to need a lot of help once she gets out of the hospital and dad has to go back to work. My parents were very hesitant to agree with me because they did not want me to give up my schooling. However, with the turn of events today, they finally realized that this was probably for the better. I was originally planning on working the rest of this week and next week before moving back home. When I told my general manager about that she offered to try to find people to cover the rest of my shifts for the week and then take me off the schedule next week. She was able to do that so now I am in the process of packing my belongings and planning on leaving tomorrow morning for home.

Wow...crazy twist, and not exactly an easy one to deal with. I had to say good-bye to a lot of dear friends and co-workers today, but it is worth it, family is so important. I am planning on trying to get my job back at Wendy's, or even better, finding a job waitressing, working nights so that I will be home with mom while dad is at work. Lord willing I will be returning to Shawnee for the Fall semester.

While I do not know why this had to happen, I am not angry, or bitter, or even hesitant about it. I know that this is the next step that God wants me to take. A friend once told me, "Life isn't what we dream, but we're not the ones in charge." God has this all under control, and I am resting completely in Him. Please continue to pray for my mom as she struggles to recover from her surgery.

Wandering

At long last my college "career" is winding down. Only two more semesters of classes and one semester of student teaching and I am finished, done, out of there, over...you get the point! Yay, right? No, more like aaahhhh!

Earlier today I was talking to someone at church. We were having a nice chat catching up on our lives when she asked me the dreaded questions, "So what are you going to do when you graduate?" Ugh. I really had no answer. You see, for the past two in-a-half years my life has bee pretty ritualistic. Go to school. Christmas break. School again. Summer break. Go to school, well, you get the point. I have not had to worry about what I am going to do, where I am going to live, the whole nine yards. Even more importantly, I have not wondered what I am going to do with my life.

For a college student who is getting close to graduation life is confusing, there are so many choices to make, and many different roads that can be taken. Well meaning people have said well meaning things to students, encouraging us to pursue our dreams, telling us that we have the ability to do anything we want, we can make it to the top - that's the problem, what if we do not know what we want, or what exactly our dreams are? And where exactly is this "top"? So what if the world is open to us? We do not know what to do with this new wide expanse of life. I think many times we are misunderstood because everyone thinks that now that we are through with our schooling we should be ready to settle down and begin our careers, living happily the American dream. Uh sure. I am so glad people think that, but man do they think wrong because quite the opposite is true.

From my point of view, I know that God has called me to work with teens, therefore I am pursuing a degree in education. My life should be pretty simple, I should finish my student teaching and either go right into my own classroom or get a masters degree. Ummm....but what if I do not know that I am ready yet to be in front of a classroom? And for goodness sake, I AM TIRED OF SCHOOL, so going right to grad school is kind of out of the option.

My cousin, Greg, is a doctor. I remember when he was in between undergrad and med school he took a year off to just bum around, have fun, and do nothing. At the time I was in grade school and did not understand why he would do such a thing. Now that I am approaching that same time I totally understand. A break sounds amazing. In fact, I may just do that. Who knows, the world is open out there to explore, why not explore it? There is time enough to get serious, but precious little time to relax and enjoy life to its fullest.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover."

~Mark Twain~

Not Exactly the Merriest

As I write this I am sitting in the hospital with mom, she was supposed to come home today, but that did not happen. I am not going to lie, it has been a pretty bleak Christmas - after all, who in their right mind wants to be at the hospital on Christmas? We are supposed to be home, opening presents, eating food, laughing, and spending time with family.

It is really easy to have a pity party and moan and complain - in fact I keep catching myself doing that. However, I try to remind myself that really, things could be a lot worse, so I made a list of things I am thankful for throughout this time.

• We are together as a family.
• We are warm and dry.
• Mom will eventually be fine.
• There are a lot of good nurses who are taking good care of mom.
• Mom's doctor, Dr. Simon, is really good, and a Christian.
• We have lots of friends who keep checking up on us.
• God has a reason for this - even though we do not see it at the moment.
• We have a white Christmas.
• I made it home safely, even though I drove through the wee hours of the night.
• No matter what happens, God is still on the Throne.

That was not a long or exhaustive list, but it is a start. Life happens and you have the choice of either becoming depressed and bitter about it or choosing to find the positive somewhere. Honestly, it is somewhat difficult at times to look on the bright side, but when I choose to see the good life looks brighter. I hope and pray that all of you had a very merry and blessed Christmas with friends and loved ones gathered around.

Christmas Banquet

The first weekend of December Shawnee had a Christmas banquet...here are some pictures.

*****Before the banquet*****

*****All the "single girls"*****

*****Ruthie, Kaye Lani, Laura, Hannah*****

*****Theresa and I played a duet during the service*****

*****Amanda and Kaye Lani*****

*****My date, John*****

*****Kaye Lani, Kasie, Laura*****

*****Anna, Laura*****

*****Carrie, Laura*****

*****Carrie, Kaye Lani*****

*****Amy.....she had just drunk lemon juice*****

*****After the banquet, Amy and Brandon had bought glow sticks*****

*****Derrick and Tiffani*****

*****Amanda, Hannah, Laura, Kaye Lani*****

*****Kaye Lani, Tiffani, Laura*****

*****Tim, Laura*****

*****Laura, Kaasi, Anna, Theresa*****

Call Back

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back­;

'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;

And if, perchance, Faith's light is dim, because the oil is low,

Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;

Call back, and say He kept you when the forest's roots were torn;

That when the heavens thundered and the earthquake shook the hill,

He bore you up and held you where the very air was still.

O friend, call back and tell me, for I cannot see your face;

They say it glows with triumph, and your feet bound in the race;

But there are mists between us, and my spirit eyes are dim,

And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you'll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,

And if you'll say He saw you through the night's sin-darkened sky,­

If you have gone a little way ahead, O friend, call back,­

'Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

- Selected

(Quoted in Streams In The Desert devotional)

I have Learned

I’ve learned-
that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.

I’ve learned-
that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I’ve learned-
that it’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned-
that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse.

I’ve learned-
that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do.

I’ve learned-
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I’ve learned-
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I’ve learned-
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I’ve learned-
that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I’ve learned-
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I’ve learned-
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I’ve learned-
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I’ve learned-
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I’ve learned-
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I’ve learned-
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I’ve learned-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I’ve learned-
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I’ve learned-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I’ve learned-
that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I’ve learned-
that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.

I’ve learned-
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I’ve learned-
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I’ve learned-
that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

I’ve learned-
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned-
that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I’ve learned-
that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I’ve learned-
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I’ve learned-
that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I’ve learned-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned-
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I’ve learned-
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I’ve learned-
that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings, and standing up for what you believe.

I’ve learned-
that people will forget what you said, and people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Copied from http://academictips.org

Laughter No Matter What

This Christmas is not exactly going to be the best Christmas ever, this makes the third Christmas in a row that has been pretty terrible. You see, my mom has to have surgery on the 23rd and will not be getting out of the hospital until Christmas day at the earliest. Even worse, I have to work until 11 pm on the 23rd so I will not be at the hospital for her surgery and I will not be getting home until sometime Christmas Eve and I have to head back to school on the 27th to work! BLAH!

To be honest I have really been struggling with all of this - I have wanted to throw a big pity party and complain about everything. After all, not only do I not get to be home very much over Christmas break, but most of that time will be spent in the hospital. Not cool in my opinion.

The other day it hit me - no matter how badly I want to scream and cry and boo hoo the circumstances, it is not going to change a thing...so why not make the best of them? (Duh, Hannah!) Maybe we will not be having a traditional Christmas with lots of food and laughter and fun and presents, but that does not mean that we still cannot have fun and spread the Christmas cheer! I found out the other day that my mom is baking cookies this week and freezing them so she can take them to her nurses, they have to spend Christmas in the hospital too. Even better than that my aunt and her boyfriend (whom I have not yet met, and still need to approve ;)) are going to be coming to the hospital on Christmas Eve, and we are going to paarrrtttyyyy! Hopefully mom will be able to come home on Christmas (we are all planning and praying that way) so at least we will be home part of that day. :) Not only that, but I decided that Sunday I am staying home from church with Mom, we will get some of that mother/daughter time that is always so special and wonderful.

See?! It is not all that bad! I'm sure we will find lots of things to laugh about and in the years to come we will look back at this time as a time of love, laughter, and growing together as a family. This Christmas has the potential of becoming the best Christmas ever.

Diamonds or Stones?

Amazing Day!

I had quite the day today, it was crazy, insane, and so funnnnyyyyy!!!! It started around 7 am in the college kitchen, a friend, Kaye Lani, and I were bringing breakfast to our Sunday school class so we got up extra early to make cinnamon rolls. It was really creepy because everything was dark and spooky...we had a lot of fun! She and I and another friend, Laura, left for church, but we had freezing rain last night, so my 2 back passenger car doors froze shut! Kaye Lani is tiny so she just climbed over the seats and we handed back the food to her...amid a myriad of giggles! :D Next Laura and I climbed in up front and started out the drive way, all of a sudden I heard a scream and looked over, apparently Laura's door froze OPEN and it would not latch at all! I called my dad and he told me to stop at a gas station and get WD40 to spray in the lock. I had to use a lot of it, but finally, I think the door just froze back shut. Either way we made it safely to church, but when we got there we all decided to get out my door! I'm sure we were quite the sight, 3 college girls, food and all climbing out one door! :D (The door did finally unfreeze by the time church was out).

Let me tell you, people in northern KY and southern IN do NOT know how to drive in snow. On our way to church tonight we passed and accident...it was wet pavement, not icy! On the way back from church it was snowing really hard and there was about 1 inch of snow on the ground, we were going 35 mph on the 65 mph hwy, and the road was wet, not icy! Oh wells.

I watched a movie with a friend, but about half way through the movie the fire alarm went off! AAAHHHH!!!!!! So we had to go outside in our pajamas and the snow and wait for the fire department to get here! Thank the Lord for cars...I think about 10 of us crammed into a friends van and turned Christmas music on high and totally had a blast!! It was just a false alarm, which was good! :) So yeah...it was an awesome day filled with a million memories!

Oh, I forgot to mention. My friend Kaye Lani is one of my bff's, she started talking to one of my other bff's, Silas, about 2 or 3 weeks ago...he treats her like royalty and today they got to spend a lot of time together...that was an awesome topping to an awesome, fun filled, memorable day!

That Dreaded Last Week....

Ah yes! School is winding down and alas! this is the last week of classes. For some reason professors seem to get some sort of joy out of dumping a million projects and assignments on their students for this lovely last week. I think that I have more things due between yesterday and Friday than I've had in any one month all semester! YIKES!!!! I'm sooooo looking forward to Friday because I have the day off work and I can sleep after class!! Finals start next Monday, but I don't have a final until Wednesday! Praise the Lord!

I'm not gonna lie, I feel really overwhelmed right now. I have two 2,000 word research papers, a presentation, a seven minute story to tell, a high school science lesson to peer teach, a file project, and two notebooks ALL DUE THIS WEEK! Right now all I'm able to do is rely on God...He's the only way I'm going to make it through! I would greatly appreciate your prayers during this week.

Oh and I forgot to mention, tonight is the first night that I manage by myself! Yet another YIKES! I'm on the schedule to manage Thursday night as well!

Bountiful Blessings

When taking a step back and viewing my life over the past year I've seen I have so much for which to be thankful. I'm overwhelmed by the blessings, both small and great, that have been given to my by my loving Heavenly Father.

First and foremost I'm thankful for a God in Heaven Who I know loves me unconditionally. He sent His only begotten Son down to this earth long ago to die on a cruel cross for me.Every time I stop to think about that I'm overwhelmed that a holy and just God cared so much for the human race that He gave up His most precious possession so that we too can be heirs of the Kingdom of God.

Next, I'm thankful for my family. This year I've experienced them in a way that I've never known before and seriously, they are the best. I don't know what I would do without their constant source of prayers, encouragement, laughter, and so much more. Over the summer we were able to spend a lot of quality time together. So many memories were made...I wouldn't trade anything for them. I love them so much.

Another amazing aspect in my life are my friends. I honestly have the best friends for which anyone could ask. They have proven to me over and over again that they will be there for me no matter what. From doing crazy things together at all hours of the day and night to holding me when I cry, from standing up for me when someone is being a jerk to telling me to my face when I need to straighten up I have been blessed with a lineup of friends who are some of the craziest, serious, God-loving people in the world...I couldn't do it with out them.

Finally, other than Salvation, the thing I am most grateful for is the fact that my roses have thorns! This past year has been pretty rough with relationships, medical problems, school, work, and on the list could go. But through it all I've learned that even in the worst times of my life there is always someone who has it worse than I do, and even more importantly, I've learned that there is always a bright spot, even in the darkest hours.

"Some people complain because the roses have thorns, others give thanks because the thorns have roses." ~Unknown

A New Disease: Junioritis!

I am sure all of you have heard of "senioritis." You know, that's the feeling that seniors (in college or high school) get when it's close to the end of their respective schooling, and all they want is to be out of school. FOREVER.

Recently I have discovered this new disease, "junioritis." This terrible bug has bit me quite hard. You ask, "What is junioritis?" I'm glad you asked! Junioritis as defined by Hannah's Dictionary of New Terms is when one is in his or her third year of school (in my case in college). The freshman excitement and newness has long since worn off...school no longer fascninates a junior, rather it has become quite dull. A person afflicted with junioritis knows that somehow they have made through more than half of their schooling, but alas! it seems as though the end is still not in sight! That senior year seems oh so far away! Ah yes! they see a light at the end of the tunnel...they think...but they're not certain if it's the end of the tunnel or a train about to run them over!!! The cure for junioritis is not simple at all. The recommended course of action is to stick to the stuff, keep going no matter how hard, and most importantly rely on God for strength. A few things that may help are chocolate, caffeine, lots of sugar, and sleep, and don't forget those wonderful friends that make one laugh and relax when the stress is beyond belief.

Just Peace

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

~Philippians 4:7~

"The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace."

~Exodus 14:14~

"Then Eli said [to Hannah], Go in peace: and the God of Israel shall grant thee thy petition that thou hast asked of him."

~I Samuel 1:17~

"The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee and give thee peace."

~Numbers 6:26~

"Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them."

~Psalm 119:165~

"Unto Timothy, my own son in the faith: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord."

~I Timothy 1:2~

"Acquaint now thyself with him, and be at peace: thereby good shall come unto thee."

~Job 22:21~

"Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ."

~Romans 5:1~

"And [Jesus] said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace."

~Luke 8:48~

"Then Jesus said to them again, Peace be unto you: as my Father hath sent me, even so send I you."

~John 20:21~

"And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace."

~James 3:18~

"Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all."

~II Thessalonians 3:16~

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

~John 14:27~

New Position!

Recently a managing position came up at my job at LEE's Famous Recipe Chicken. I had thoughts of the possibility of being chosen for the job, but I wasn't going to really pursue the matter. The other day I was working with the assistant manager and out of the blue she said, "Hey Hannah! Have you ever thought of being a manager?!" I said, "Well, I had, but I didn't know what the plans were, or who was in the running for the job." Her response was that they really didn't know who to have fill the spot because most people weren't eligible for various reasons. She talked to the GM who spoke to me about it today. I was offered the job and I start training on Saturday! I'm sooo excited! The only bad things are that other than being home for a couple of days over Christmas, most of my break will be spent down here; also, tomorrow is my last day at the ammunition factory - I can't swing a second job along with managing. But it's ok, because this is an excellent opportunity to not only make some good money, but it also looks great on my resume. Please pray that I'll be able to learn my new responsibilities quickly.

Not My Will but Thine

If you tell God that you want HIS will, not your own, you had better be prepared for that decision to be put to a test. This can be incredibly difficult to do because surrendering your will to God involves an amazing amount of faith and trust in Him. Sometimes God will test you to see if you really meant what you said, and then He will give you the desires of your heart. Other times, God truly performs His will, even if it hurts you very badly. There is an example of each of these types of surrender in the Bible. The one is of Abraham and Isaac, the other is Jephthah and his daughter.

Genesis 22 finds Abraham going about his regular routine until God comes to him and tells Abraham to take his only son, Isaac, and offer him as a burnt offering. If that were me, I probably would have said, "Wait a minute God, You want me to do WHAT?! I can't do that....I mean...he's my only son. You promised that Isaac would be the one to make a great nation from me, how can that happen if he dies?" But did Abraham do that? No. Instead Genesis 22:3 says, "And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him." No complaining. No questioning. Just a simple yet strong faith that believed God's will was best. How did it turn out? Well, Abraham went through obediently. He took Isaac and a few servants, went to the mountain that God had told him of, took his son, some wood and fire, and headed up the mountain. Abraham went so far as to build the altar, place Isaac upon it, and raised his hand to kill his son when an angel suddenly stopped him. "And [the angel of the Lord] said, 'Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.'" God then provided a substitute ram to be offered in the place of Isaac.

Jephthah had a slightly different situation. He went to war against the Ammonites who were attempting to take over part of Israel. He vowed to God that if He brought Israel through and made them victorious that when he went home, the first thing that came out of his home to greet him would be offered as a burnt offering to the Lord (Judges 11:30-31). God grants his request, and the enemy was defeated. Jephthah returns home victorious, celebrating his great victory. As he comes down the road to his house, his daughter apparently hears him coming and runs out to meet him. She was the first thing that came to meet him. Was Jephthah expecting this? Not at all. He could have easily said, "God...you know when I made that vow, I wasn't thinking of her! I can't sacrifice my daughter, she's too precious to me." Yes, the Bible does say that he was sad, and naturally so, "And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes and said, 'Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the Lord, and I cannot go back.'" (Judges 11:35) A long series of events lead to two months later when in Judges 11:39 states, "And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow." I can't even begin to imagine the thoughts going through Jephthah's mind as he did what he promised God. Doing God's will, not his own even though it was the hardest thing in the world.

The ultimate example of surrender is shown in Christ when He was sent to the cross. His agony in the garden of Gethsemane the night before His crucifixion shows how human and divine He was in His choice to follow His Father's will. "Then saith he unto [his disciples], 'My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here , and watch with me.' And he went a little further and fell on his face, and prayed saying, 'O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me, nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.'" Jesus went to the cross and died, not because He necessarily wanted to go through the pain and suffering, but because He knew that is what His Father willed and so He uncomplainingly went, bearing our sin and iniquity on His body.

Is following God's will always easy? the answer is a resounding NO. But is it right, oh yes! God will give a peace that goes beyond comprehension to those that choose to do His will. Following Him is the best decision that anyone can make.

God's been Good

I know it's not yet Thanksgiving, and when that holiday comes I'll write a very lengthy post on how God has blessed and is blessing me this past year. However, it seems that lately I've just been really blessed in almost every area of my life. He is sooooo good to me!! It reminded me of a song that is sung often here at Shawnee, so I thought I'd share the lyrics with you:

God's Been Good

Lately I've been looking back,

along this winding road

To the old familiar markers

of the mercies I have known

I know it may sound simple

but it's more than a cliche

There's no better way to tell you, than to say...

God's been good in my life

I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams

when I go to sleep each night

And though I've had my share of hard times,

I wouldn't change them if I could

'Cause through it all, God's been good

Times replay and I can see that

I've cried some bitter tears

But I felt His arms around me,

as I faced my greatest fears

You see I've had more gains than losses

and I've known more joy than hurt

As His grace rolled down upon me undeserved

For God has been my Father,

my Savior and my Friend

His love was my beginning,

and His love will be my end

I could spend forever trying

to tell you everything He is

But the best that I can say it is this...

God's been good in my life

I feel blessed beyond my wildest dreams

when I go to sleep each night

And though I've had my share of hard times,

I wouldn't change them if I could

'Cause through it all, God's been good

VOTE!

Lord Stay Close to Me

I heard this song at church tonight and it has officially become my life song...I think it says it all...

Lord, I knew a time like this would surely come my way

When in disbelief, I'd watch my whole life change

I thought I'd have the words to tell You how I feel

But the only thing my heart is telling me to say is

Chorus

Lord stay close to me, as I journey through the darkness of this great unknown

Lord, stay close to me, though I've place my faith in You, I feel so all alone

My heart trembles like a child as I walk each scary mile

And the only prayer my lips can find to speak is Lord, stay close to me

Verse 2

I guess that I could ask You for some miracle

To even take away this trial that I face

But Lord, I know that You alone know what I need

So would You hold me tight as I journey through this place

Chorus

Oh Lord, when I'm so scared, please be there, Lord

So I can rest in the promise, the promise that You care

Lord I know that I can make it through if all I have is You

Choices...

Have you ever really struggled with God over something? Maybe it's a big decision, or a life changing event, possibly it's something you can't control, or perhaps you can control and what you want isn't what God wants. Often this type of situation requires a lot of prayer and tears.

I have recently had a situation like this arise in my life. I've been planning for the past two years to finish my four year degree in 3 1/2 years. I've worked very hard and had insane class schedules in order to get all the credits and classes I needed. Just recently I had a long chat with the Academic Dean. We did a lot of number crunching and discovered that I'm three credits short of that goal and I have no possible way of cramming those credits into an already packed schedule. Talk about a let down. It felt like I'd done all that work for nothing.

Having come to this point I realized that I now had two choices and either way I was still going to be here for the extra semester. My first option was to throw a little fit and complain, groan and moan about the whole thing. The second choice was to suck it up, realize that God had a purpose in the whole thing and be happy about it. I'm not going to lie, it was a really hard thing for me (still is, actually) and I have shed many tears over it. However, as is often the case in my life, I've found that although I may not see it now, I know that God has a purpose and a plan for all of this. I have to trust that He knows what is best for my life, and His plans are way above my highest imagination and wildest dreams. I have had to lay what *I* wanted at His feet and trust Him for each little and big step I take.

"From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him. Then said Jesus, unto the twelve, 'Will ye also go away?' Then Simon Peter answered him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.'" (John 6:66-69)

The greatest desire of my heart is to honor and glorify my Heavenly Father in everything that I do. When the end of my life comes I sincerely want to be able to look back on all that I have done and say, "That was all because of God!"

Yep...I'm still Alive!

I feel like I should write *something* about my life lately. It's been crazy busy, but I've been loving every (well, almost every) minute of it! I'm desperately trying to remember everything that has been going on...it's been an awfully long time since I last wrote. Due to my schedule I haven't been journaling very much, so I can't really look back at that to see what's been going on. However, I do have some pictures that helped boost my memory a bit! ;)

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We took advantage of the beautiful fall weather and have studied outside on several occasions.

Well, we couldn't study the *whole* time...had to play at least a lil bit!

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My friend Kaye Lani and I went to Knoxville, TN the first weekend of October. Her brother is a freshman at Crown College so we went to visit him. I have more pictures on my camera, but I can't find my card reader so I haven't been able to put them on my computer yet. :-(

We stayed with the Manchester's, they're friends of my parents. We had a great time with them!

Ok, so you'll never guess what this is....it's a 1 oz. milkshake from Steak 'n Shake! Kaye Lani's brother works there and so we spent a lot of time hanging out and part of that resulted in this...let's just say that it was about 11 at night and we were all going crazy! :-)

This was at Crown, they have a really cool little museum about church history.

Dr. Lee Roberson's Bible along with some letters he wrote.

Last weekend my dad came down for a visit. I had a great time with him, I was soooo glad that he came to see me! :)

Classes have been going really well. We're over half way through the semester!! *YAY!* 32 more days until I get to go home! I can't wait! :)

Determination: An Extended Definition

Determination is the steadfastness of mind that, once a task has begun, it will be completed regardless of the adversity. It is the ability of an individual to say, “If this is what it takes to reach a goal, I am willing to press onward, regardless of the odds, in spite of what anyone may say, no matter the difficulty, pain, or rejection.” Determination cries, “I can see where I am at and where I need to go; I have a purpose and a goal; nothing will stop me from attaining my aspirations!” Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines determination as the “Decision of a question in the mind; firm resolution; settled purpose.” Benjamin Disraeli once stated it this way, “Nothing can resist the human will that will stake even its existence on its stated purpose.” For a Christian, the Apostle Paul put it aptly in Philippians 3:13-14, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

Had the renowned inventor, Thomas Alva Edison, given up on his work of inventing an incandescent light bulb, there is a possibility that electricity as it is know it today would not exist. After over 9,000 attempts at electricity, the right connection was made and current began to flow through the wires and produced light. Edison was willing to fail again and again. Unlike the average person, with each failure he picked himself up and kept persevering onward to his goal. He once said, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

The most powerful and perfect pattern of determination is that of Jesus Christ. He stated in recurrent passages of Scripture that His purpose on earth was to do His Father’s will. His purpose was, “…to seek and to save that which was lost.” Christ went through much temptation, suffering and anguish, yet, He doggedly refused to yield to the pain and to the torment. This became most evident in the account of Christ’s time in the garden of Gethsemane on the night before His crucifixion. Here in the garden, all alone, Jesus spent some time praying, not necessarily that His impending death be taken away, but rather that, as He submitted to God’s will, He would be granted the determination needed to press on. “And he was withdrawn from them [the disciples] about a stone's cast, and kneeled down, and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.’ And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (Luke 19:41-44) Christ followed through with the plan that the Father had for Him. He was determined to do the right thing, even to the point of death.

Determination is one of the most difficult traits to acquire. It is a compilation of faithfulness, loyalty, and courage. Just as Christ displayed all of these in His determination to die on the cross for the sins of the world, so ought every Christian be unwavering in their stand for what is right and carry on the work that Christ has called them to do. As Paul said, “According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it by life, or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”